‘You what?’ Mr Peterson’s face crumpled in confusion.
‘There’s someone moving into the bed next to me. Apparently she hasn’t spoken in weeks, refuses to, and has done ever since they admitted her. Nurse Angles says she’s pretty traumatized.’ Alfie shrugged, still puzzled by the silent determination of this patient.
‘I reckon she must be badly hurt.’
‘Sure seems that way, doesn’t it.’ Silence hung heavily between them as each focused intently on his slow shuffling steps.
‘Well, give it a week or so, these things always pass. And if not, then maybe she can teach you a thing or two about being quiet. Give us all some peace for a bit.’ The old man laughed loudly at his own humour.
‘Or … most likely, I’ll get her to cave, and in no time we’llbothbe spending our days irritating you.’ Alfie nudged his friend gently in the ribs, grateful for the lightness returning to their conversation.
Mr Peterson rolled his eyes. ‘Good God, in that case I pray the lady never speaks again!’
7
Alice
When Alice had first been told she’d be moving wards, part of her was relieved. It meant progress was being made. She was no longer deemed in a critical condition and she was finally on the road back to her old life again. Although her skin grafts had started to heal, the burnt flesh beneath them slowly recovering, she still hadn’t spoken a word. What was there to say? All anyone wanted to hear from her was that she was ‘doing OK’. That she was ‘feeling much better, thanks’. Yet all you needed to do was take one look at her to know that was a lie. Not thatshe’dactually taken one look at herself since the accident. She had point blank refused to open her eyes when the doctors had encouraged her to look at her reflection. All she had to do was glance down at the congealed skin on her arms to get an idea of the damage done to her face. She didn’t need a mirror to know that she was significantly damaged goods.
And still the over-friendly, over-emotional and incessantly positive nurses carried on with their ‘weren’t you lucky’ bullshit.
‘Weren’t you lucky it only really affected one side of you, Alice.’
‘It’s lucky you were rescued when you were, or the damage might have spread to your right side too.’
Oh, wonderful, she would have been completely fucked up then. How lucky she felt that she was only disfigured down one side of her body.
Lucky, lucky fucking Alice.
‘Good morning, Alice. How are you?’ the doctor said flatly. Why people continued to ask her these questions baffled her. Silence continued to be her only answer yet they still kept trying.
‘I’ve been looking at your notes and I’m happy with your progress. The grafts are healing well and all the vital signs are looking stable.’ The doctor looked up from his clipboard and smiled. His weak attempt at positivity somehow felt more awkward than encouraging. ‘The next thing we need to do is build up your strength and mobility. You’ve been lying down for quite some time and we need to prevent any further muscle waste. That’s why we want you to move to the Moira Gladstone ward. It’s a rehabilitation facility based in this hospital. It’s one of the best in the country. You’ll have a physio plan put in place, they’ll continue to monitor the wounds, and when we know the extent of the scarring we can discuss other options.’
Nothing you do can give me what I had back.
‘The only thing we’re concerned about is …’
The fact I haven’t spoken in weeks or looked at my own face?
Alice enjoyed watching this man struggle to find the appropriate words.
‘… we don’t feel like you’ve made much progress on thepath to accepting the accident. We need you to start communicating, Alice. If you’re going to get out of here, we have to be confident that you’ve accepted what’s happened and can make positive steps forward.’
Positive steps? Why don’t we swap places, doctor, and see how many positive steps you take.
She raised the corner of her mouth as a poor offer of acknowledgement.
‘Alice.’ He took a deep breath in and came a step closer to her. ‘Thereareother options for you, but first we have to let the skin heal more. This isn’t the end for you … I know it may feel like it now, but it isn’t.’ The doctor reached his hand out momentarily, then let it fall limply by his side. ‘In order to make you feel most comfortable, we will move you tomorrow night. Any questions, you know we’re here to answer them.’
*
Unfortunately it hadn’t been possible to transport her curtains along with the bed, but at least the darkness just about hid her face as she was wheeled along the corridors. The moment she arrived on the Moira Gladstone ward she sensed the change in energy. It was calmer. No rushing. No fear of immediate danger. People weren’t running on extreme adrenaline and caffeine twenty-four hours a day. As she rolled past the rows of beds, Alice could just about make out the picture frames, multicoloured bed throws and trinkets. It seemed that the people occupying this space were no longer patients, they were residents. That was another stark difference to the ICU; all of these people had been given the gift of time back. In theory, they weren’t going anywhere any time soon.
Alice was woken up the next morning by one of the nurses.This woman was big and bold and not afraid to confront the elephant in the room.
‘Morning, baby.’
Alice physically recoiled. She was definitely not this stranger’s baby. Alice Gunnersley was, in fact, no one’s baby.
