‘Right, I’m going to go and do the obligatory family lunch with my dad and step-mum. It’s a good job they don’t know you’re not in a critical condition any more, Al. I’m unashamedly using you as an excuse to get out of there in less than two hours.’
‘Charming.’ Alice’s voice sounded flat. She’d retreated back to near silence ever since the doctor’s visit that morning.
‘What are friends for, hey?’
A memory flashed through his mind. That was the exact same phrase Ciarán would say to Ross whenever he’d annoyed him. They were always getting at each other with non-stop pranks and teasing, but no matter how far they pushed it, they would always end up laughing about it a moment later.
Fuck.
Even the good memories had that familiar stab of griefand guilt associated with them. Would he ever be able to think about them without wanting to rip his own heart out and scream?
Distract yourself, Alfie.
Fortunately, his attention was caught by a conversation happening across the room.
‘Arthur, you may be over ninety, but if you don’t start doing what you’re told and looking after yourself, I swear to God I’ll leave you,’ Agnes chided. Normally her nagging of Mr Peterson was purely playful, but Alfie could tell instantly that today she wasn’t joking.
‘Oh, give it a rest, will you,’ Mr P huffed. ‘I’m fine. The doctors say I’m fine. The nurses are checking on me every five bleeding minutes now you’ve been on at them. What more do you want?’
Alfie didn’t want to listen in but it was hard not to, especially when it concerned Mr Peterson’s health.
‘Are you eating properly? Are you taking all your medication?’ Agnes was relentless in her questioning.
‘Yes, woman, I am! Now, please can we just enjoy our time together, because I’m absolutely fine …’
Mr Peterson had his curtains open just enough for Alfie to see the old man reach out for his wife’s hand. Alfie racked his brains to see if he’d noticed any further decline in Mr P’s health since the morning he supposedly overslept. Only when he tried to think did he realize that he had barely spoken to the old man in the last few days. Overcome with guilt, Alfie made a mental note to check in with him more regularly. It wasn’t OK to get caught up completely in Alice and Sarah, and forget everyone else around him.
‘Got any more crossword clues for me then?’ Her voice was magnetic, drawing all his attention back to her.
He smiled. ‘I knew you’d be back for more.’
Alice’s hand shot through the curtain, middle finger pointing proudly up at him.
He wanted to reach out and grab it. To pull back the curtain to reveal more than just her pale scarred hand. The same question that had been plaguing him since her arrival burned fresh in his mind once again.
Who was the girl hidden behind the curtain?
33
Alice
It was funny – minus the encounter with the doctor that morning, and despite still being hospital-bound and scarred, Alice hadn’t felt this happy in a very long time. Having Sarah by her side had been the biggest gift she could have asked for. She was also very aware that their time together was short, and after today there were big decisions to be made.
A small voice started to niggle at her.
Make the most of her being here.
There was no doubt in Alice’s mind that even before Mr Warring’s visit, Sarah was already planning ways to get her to look at herself in the mirror. If it was inevitable then why not go with it? Did she really have the energy to resist and fight her? Like she’d said before, only a fool would try and go up against Sarah.
Plus, you’re going to have to face yourself at some point.
It seemed that point in time was growing ever closer.
For the first few days after the accident, she’d spent most of her time thinking about ways she could end it all. Life just didn’t bear thinking about. How could she ever be acceptedwith injuries like this? It hurt to think, let alone move. She didn’t need to look in a mirror to know that she wasn’t the same woman any more. Her life had been turned upside down and she’d been burnt inside out. The thought of reestablishing herself in a world that she knew could be cruel at the best of times felt too exhausting. Alice wasn’t blind to how critical human beings could be, and she didn’t fancy being on the receiving end of their constant judgement. It was only recently that those thoughts had quietened down and the pervasive dread and anxiety had lessened. Was she really going to live as a recluse, hiding away in her flat at the age of thirty-one? Afraid of everything, even her own reflection? Was that what she really wanted for her life?
Can you even call that a life?
Sarah was a stark reminder of the best of her. Maybe she really could move to Australia! She’d said it half jokingly to Alfie before, but now it didn’t seem so implausible. Maybe she could emigrate and live with Sarah. With her experience she could walk into any job she wanted, perhaps a smaller firm with less pressure and more time to relax. She could be Sarah and Raph’s on-call babysitter whenever they decided to have kids. Every day she could feel the sun on her skin and salt in her hair.
