Today’s session had been especially difficult. Once again they’d come back round to Alfie’s incessant need to please people. To be the hero and to make people laugh. Deep-rooted patterns were being pulled up and exposed over and over again, inspected and analysed in minute detail. By the time he got home, the only thing he could think about was sitting in his wonderfully tidy flat and watchingmind-numbing TV until Matty arrived. Turned out not coming home to piles of your own dirty laundry and mouldy takeaway containers really did make a difference. At last he felt settled in his flat, and he relished being able to call it home again.
He heard the doorbell go just as he sat down on the sofa. For the first time in his entire existence, Matty had decided to show up early. He had asked to come over to talk through the weekend he wanted to plan for one of the boys’ stag parties, which, considering his early arrival, filled Alfie with dread.
Throughout their friendship he’d never seen this side to Matty. How excited could one man get over organizing events? He’d been the same about Alfie’s birthday, although he’d known that was slightly different. His party had been a celebration of much more than just his birthday. It had marked a new start in his life. It honoured all that had been and all that was to come. Alfie had been carefully piecing the lost parts of himself back together. It wasn’t quick or easy or even enjoyable, but it had changed his world.
‘Sorry, Matty, I’m coming!’
A part of him didn’t want to know what plans were being concocted, but he knew that the sooner he got wind of the ideas, the easier it would be to steer his friend off course.
‘I may be half robot, but I’m still a slow mover!’
Silence.
Strange, Alfie thought. Matty never usually missed an opportunity to come back with a hilarious insult.
‘Matty, you all right, mate?’
As he came closer, he realized it wasn’t Matty at the door; the silhouette was too slight, and too female.
‘Sorry, I was expecting someone else,’ he apologized, feeling a little embarrassed for shouting at this stranger. He wrestled with the lock and pulled back the door.
The first thing he saw was her auburn hair.
The second thing was her hand.
72
Alice
Before she even had time to think, the door opened.
And just like that, there he was. A mass of dark curly hair, broad shoulders and dangerously chiselled cheekbones.
It was Alfie Mack.
In the flesh.
She’d pictured his face a thousand times before, but seeing him in front of her was beyond anything she could have ever imagined. Affection surged through her; her skin tingled with an energy she’d never felt before. Her whole body radiated heat. Feelings were bubbling up from somewhere deep down, a rush of longing and desire and fear and anxiety filling her heart. This was what she’d read about in books but brushed off as fiction. This was what she’d watched in films and laughed at as fantasy. This was it. This was how it felt. A lifetime of emotions hitting her in one single moment.
Alice tried to smile but her face felt frozen; all she could do was stare blankly at him.
His eyes narrowed just a bit. Those curious mismatchedeyes he’d so often talked about. The eyes she’d tried to imagine so many times, on so many different faces.
Was it recognition she could sense? Confusion? Or was it downright disgust?
The thoughts crowded her mind, filling it with chatter. She couldn’t catch hold of one before it was pushed out by another. She felt sick. Her breath seemed to be stuck somewhere in the middle of her chest. Her head felt dizzy, her body suddenly overcome with a wave of nausea.
Alice took a slight step back.
Why had she come here? Really, what had she been expecting? She’d told herself over and over that this was a stupid idea. She’d got on and off the bus four times, turned back at the end of his road twice, and very nearly ordered an Uber home. But now she was standing here, the reality felt much worse.
She had to go.
Why weren’t her legs moving?
This was all too much; the silence was suffocating.
She forced herself to take another step back but was unable to tear her eyes away from him. She wanted to drink as much of him in as possible. This would be the first and last time she ever got to see him, and she wanted to imprint it on to her mind.
