Harper was sitting in the living room with her knitting needles in her hands, working on her latest project. Her mom sat across from her on the sofa, sipping a cup of hot chocolate.
She looked up from her knitting, wondering what her mom would say when she told her about the phone call from Ellie. “A friend from New York called me the other day.”
Carrie smiled. “That’s nice. Was it one of your nursing friends?”
Harper nodded. “Ellie said the Intensive Care Unit at Bellevue Hospital is really understaffed. They’re having to work a lot of extra shifts just to keep the ward open.”
“That’s terrible,” her mom said. “Unfortunately, it seems to be the same everywhere. If you wanted to go back to nursing, you could have your pick of jobs anywhere in the world.”
Harper put down her knitting needles. “I called the recruitment agency that’s filling the positions. They’re offering all kinds of incentives to potential medical staff. If I want to help them for a few months, they’ll subsidize my living costs and even pay me an allowance to fly back to Polson every couple of weeks.”
Carrie’s eyebrows rose. “That’s generous, but do you want to move back to New York?”
“I don’t know,” Harper told her mom. “I worked with most of the staff that’s in the ICU during the pandemic. Before I joined their team, I thought I’d only work in emergency departments. But the staff in the ICU changed my mind. They’re incredible, and they care deeply about their patients.”
Her mom nodded thoughtfully. “It sounds as though you miss working with them.”
“A part of me does.” Harper ran her fingertips along the raised cable pattern in the sweater she was making. “I enjoy my job at the clinic, but it isn’t the same as working in New York.”
“You’re right, it isn’t,” Carrie agreed. “But you left New York because it was too stressful. Do you think it’ll be better now that you’ve had a break and the worst of the pandemic is over?”
Harper bit her lip, her mind racing with memories of long shifts and the heavy burden of caring for critically ill patients. The sense of purpose she felt in the ICU was undeniable, but so was the burnout that followed. “I don’t want to let them down. They’re struggling without enough staff.”
Carrie stood and sat beside Harper. “When you were a little girl, you always wanted to fix things. If one of your friends decided they didn’t like someone, you’d try to bring them together. If someone was sad, you’d make them feel better. When your dad and I broke up, you were devastated because you couldn’t make us a happy family. What you didn’t realize is that you’re not responsible for fixing everything,” Carrie said softly. “No one learns about what’s important to them if everything is always going well. Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or your finances—when something unexpected happens, you need to decide whether it’s worth fixing or leaving it alone.”
Harper frowned. “Do you think it’s better that I don’t go back to New York?”
Carrie shook her head. “What I’m saying is that you need to decide what’s best for you. No one else can make you happy.”
Harper thought about what her mom had said. “Is that why you left Dad?”
Carrie sat silently for a moment. “Your dad and I had issues that went a lot farther back than when we separated. I knew he wasn’t much of a saver. Even when I met him, he owed a lot of money on his credit cards. After we got married, it didn’t get any better. Our vehicle had to be the latest model. When we went anywhere, he’d only eat at the best restaurants, and stay at the newest resorts. We didn’t have any money, but he lived like a millionaire. I thought if we moved back to Sapphire Bay, he’d settle down, but it only got worse.” Carrie sighed. “We were in so much debt.”
Harper held her mom’s hand. “I didn’t know any of that was happening.”
“We didn’t want you to know," Carrie told her. “Your nana and granddad helped pay for what you needed at school. As long as you were happy, that’s all that mattered.”
Harper’s grip tightened on her mom’s hand. She’d never thought about money, or who paid for the things she needed.
“I was a fixer,” Carrie said. “Just like you. I tried to fix what I thought was wrong in my marriage, but nothing helped. I couldn’t change your dad because he didn’twantto change. After years of trying to make our relationship work, do you know what I realized?”
Harper shook her head.
Her mom looked sadly at Harper. “It didn’t matter what your dad did. I was the one who had to change. Fixing my life was more important than focusing on your dad’s. I had to protect us and make sure you had everything you needed to be happy and healthy. Staying with your dad wouldn’t have done that, so I told him I wanted a divorce. It was the hardest decision of my life.”
Harper didn’t remember her parents fighting. All she remembered was her dad leaving, then her mom finding a job in Polson. She’d lost contact with her father and, no matter how hard she’d tried, she couldn’t find him.
“Why didn’t Dad want to see me again?” she asked her mom.
Carrie’s face softened. “It wasn’t about not wanting to see you. Your dad loved you, but he wasn’t ready to be the father you needed. His life was constantly changing, and he knew that wasn’t good for you. He thought it was better to step back than to bring that into your life.”
Harper absorbed her mother’s words, the final piece of a puzzle she’d been trying to solve for years. “I always thought it was my fault. That I did something wrong.”
“No, sweetheart. It was never your fault.” Carrie’s voice was firm, cutting through the old, lingering doubts in Harper’s heart. “Sometimes adults make decisions that don’t make sense to children. What’s important is that you know you were, and always have been, loved. Whatever you decide to do, I’m here for you.” Her mom paused. “There’s something else you should know.”
Harper frowned. Whatever it was sounded serious. “I’m listening.”
Carrie sent her a sad smile. “While you were visiting your granddad, I spoke to the rehabilitation center’s manager. The level of care your granddad needs is more than we expected. We’ll have to sell his house in Sapphire Bay to pay for some of the help he needs.”
