Darcy did not sleep a wink after the unexpected insight. He spent the night trying to find some peace, but it was impossible. He could not live with himself if he did nothing to stop Miss Bennet from marrying Mr. Millett. But what could he do? What would be the point of rushing over to the Gardiners to speak to Miss Bennet, only to be turned away again.
When morning came, he rose, woolly-headed and sluggish. He looked at himself in the mirror. An old man’s face looked back at him, pale and gaunt. This, then, was what he had become.
Darcy forced himself to go downstairs and join his sister at breakfast, as was their custom. Much as he would have liked to closet himself in a dark room, he knew Georgiana would worry about him, especially after their carriage ride yesterday. Besides, he had never done such a thing, at least not since after his father’s funeral, when he struggled with the pain of his loss.
“Good morning, Georgie,” he said, doing his best to sound jovial. He helped himself to a random mix of foods without even looking. He did not particularly care what he ate.
But when he sat down, the smell of fried eggs repelled him, and he pushed the whole plate away.
“What is it, Brother? You are not yourself. I hope you are not sickening again. That dive in the Serpentine has affected your health. You look pale.” She came to him and felt his forehead, her eyes full of concern. “At least you do not feel feverish.”
“I am well, Georgiana.”
She looked pointedly at his plate. “You have been picking at your food since yesterday. You sit silently all through our meals. You have not even offered to take me to the park to feed the ducks.” She gave a little smile, trying to cheer him up. “What would Mama say if she saw you? She would be worried about your health.”
It was not his health that was affected. It was his heart, which hurt as much as any physical affliction. How was he going to bear it, if Miss Bennet married Mr. Millett?
He put his hands to his head and leaned his elbows on the table. He could no longer hold back the pain. A groan escaped him.
“William! Youareill. What is it? Your head? Oh, please tell me!” Georgiana was growing more alarmed. “I shall call for the physician.”
“No,” he said. “There is no need.” He could see from the doubt on her face that she did not believe him.
There was no escaping it. He would have to tell her the whole sorry truth.
“Thereissomething wrong with me, but the physician can do nothing for me.” At her shocked expression, he put a reassuring hand on her arm. “There is nothing physical. It is my heart that is suffering, Sister, and I do not see any solution to my situation.”
Her brow wrinkled in confusion. “What situation? Can I help you in any way? Will you unburden yourself to me so I can understand what is happening? Is it something to do with Pemberley? Have we suffered some kind of financial loss?”
“Heavens! No! Nothing like that!” He was shocked she would even think such a thing.
Still, he hesitated. He had never let down his defenses in front of his younger sister. He did not usually carry his heart on his sleeve, and rarely confided in anyone. Except, a long time ago, when he had experienced his first pangs of love for a young lady at the age of sixteen. He had unburdened himself to his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam, who had derived great amusement from Darcy’s bewildered confusion. The pangs had not lasted long, and he had not thought of the young lady for years.
This was different. These were not pangs. They were the stabbing pain of loss.
By tomorrow, Miss Bennet would agree to Mr. Millett’s proposal, and any chance of convincing her to marry Darcy would be gone forever.
“I have done something very foolish, Georgiana. Very foolish indeed. I have fallen in love with Elizabeth Bennet.”
The alarm in Georgina’s face gave way to astonishment. “You have? Is that why you are not eating? I do not understand.”
“A few weeks ago, I would not have understood, either. But I do now. I understand why lost love is the subject of so many songs and poems.”
She blinked. “You are in love with Elizabeth Bennet. Oh, how wonderful!” Joy suffused her features. Then, as he did not react, her face fell. “Why lost love? I know your proposal did not go well, but that does not mean she will hold it against you forever. Perhaps there is some way of wooing her, of convincing her to spend time in your company, to get to know you. If she knew you well, William, she would discover what a wonderful person you are. You are the best brother in the world, and I know you will make the best husband as well.”
There was no time for any of that. Within days, maybe as soon as tomorrow, she might be engaged to someone else.
“It is not that simple. She is departing for Longbourn, her home.”
“She is leaving?” Georgiana looked deflated. A moment later, she rallied. “Where is she going?”
“According to Mr. Gardiner, her father owns an estate in Hertfordshire.”
“I do not know how far away that is,” said Georgiana, “but wecouldwrite to her. We could keep in touch, perhaps even visit.”
“I have reason to believe she is about to receive an offer of marriage, and my impression is, she is likely to accept.”
“She has not said anything to me.” She frowned. “But then, I suppose she does not consider me a friend. Are you talking about Mr. Millett?”
