She burst into tears again.
“Now, now, surely it cannot be that bad. You were, I assume, carried away by an infatuation.”
“I would never have done something so inappropriate with someone I did not know, Miss Bennet. You must believe me. It is just that I have always known him. In some ways I thought of him as a brother.”
“A brother?” One did not become infatuated with a brother. “Is he a relative of yours, then? Things might be clearer if you tell me the whole story from the beginning, Miss Darcy.”
In her agitation, Miss Darcy started to pull out large clumps of grass.
“He is Papa’s godson. His father was Papa’s steward. His parents died of a fever when he was young, and Papa decided to take him in and raise him as his own. He is almost the same age as my brother.”
“He and my brother went to school together and came back home during school holidays. I used to follow them around, hoping they would play with me. William sometimes included me in their games, but Wickham always told me to go away. He used to say little girls had no business hanging around important gentlemen like him and my brother.”
Elizabeth winced. She was glad she did not have an older brother. Her life might have turned out very differently.
“So I tried not to bother them. I just watched them from a distance. Then after Papa died, and they were grown up, Wickham left to study law in London and stopped visiting us.” She paused and looked down at her grass-stained gloves in some astonishment, then hid them under the folds of her dress. “I found it very hard, losing both Papa and someone I thought of as my brother. I missed him, even though he had never been kind to me. I asked my brother about him, and he told me it was better this way. But that is not how I felt about it. I was very lonely. I spent a lot of time in London with my relatives. William was taking care of Pemberley. He came to visit whenever he could, but it was difficult for him at the beginning. He had so much responsibility, so many things to worry about.”
Miss Darcy paused, lost in memories, then roused herself to continue. “When I was eleven, I was sent to school. I made friends there, so I felt much less alone. I hoped Wickham wouldvisit, since we were both in London, but he never did. As time passed, I started to forget about him, just as I started to forget about Papa.”
Her eyes widened and she put her hand to her mouth in shock. “I did not mean that. I will never forget Papa. I meant that the pain of losing him was not as strong. I will always miss my father. Always.” Tears sprang into her eyes.
Elizabeth put a comforting hand on Miss Darcy’s shoulder. If anything happened to her father, Elizabeth would feel the same. With four sisters and a very lively household, Elizabeth found it almost impossible to imagine how isolated the young girl must have felt.
“What happened to your other guardian? The colonel?”
“He was sent to the Continent. He always comes to see me when he is on leave, which happens often these days because he is stationed in England now.”
They had digressed. At this rate, Miss Darcy would never tell her about Wickham.
“So how did you encounter Mr. Wickham again?”
“It was by accident. When I left school, my brother found me a companion, Mrs. Younge. We were in Bond Street, on our way to a fitting for new shoes, when we ran into Wickham in the street. He did not recognize me, but I recognized him at once. He was older, but as handsome as always.”
She turned bright pink as she realized what she had given away. “At first he did not know me, but when I told him who I was, he grew very interested. He was struck by the change in my appearance. He asked me to turn around and looked at me in wonder. ‘You have turned out to be a very beautiful young lady, Georgiana,’ he said. ‘Who could have imagined it?’ He told me he had thought about me often, and asked to visit, but my brother had told me it would be inappropriate, since we were not related.I was very happy to hear that he had missed me as much as I had missed him.”
Elizabeth wondered who was the villain of the piece: Mr. Wickham or Mr. Darcy?
“He joined us in our shopping expedition and insisted on buying whatever I wanted. Then he took me to a confectioner and kept urging me to try ordering different cakes. I ate so much I thought I would burst! Then he asked if I wanted to meet him again soon, but I told him we were going to Ramsgate in few days. I felt quite sad that I had found him just before we were about to travel, but we agreed to meet when I returned.”
“Then a week after we had taken up lodgings in Ramsgate, the butler came in with a calling card. It turned out Wickham was in Ramsgate! He said some business had brought him there, and we laughed at the coincidence. I was alone with only Mrs. Younge to talk to. So I agreed to meet Wickham whenever he came to Ramsgate.”
“I consulted with Mrs. Younge, of course. I wanted to make sure it was all very proper. She said she found Wickham’s manners very pleasing, and encouraged me to pursue our friendship, all the time ensuring that we did not meet privately or did anything that would compromise me in any way. Wickham was a perfect gentleman. He was careful not to expose me to any gossip. We always met in quiet public places, under the watchful eye of Mrs. Younge.”
He certainly appeared to care about Miss Darcy’s reputation, thought Elizabeth.
“Then, one day, when Mrs. Younge had taken ill and stayed in her room, Wickham called on me. He welcomed the opportunity to have a private word with me. He told me then that his business was concluded a long time ago, and the real reason he was coming so often to Ramsgate because he wanted to see me.He looked at me in such a way, I knew then he loved me, and I realized I loved him, too.”
She was silent for such a long time, Elizabeth had to prompt her to continue.
“He— told me he wanted to marry me, but he did not think my brother would approve, because even though Wickham had been raised a gentleman, he was only a steward’s son. He spoke with such bitterness, my heart bled for him.”
“Then he said he had thought about it, and since we loved each other so deeply, it would be a sin not to be married and be happy together. Somehow convinced me that my brother did not care for my happiness, that he was only concerned with the Darcy name, and that we were to be sacrificed on the altar of his pride and arrogance.”
She buried her face in her hands.
“Miss Bennet, I began to hate my brother for depriving me of someone who loved me. Seeing him reminded me of when Papa was alive. We even shed tears together at the memory of my father. Wickham told me Papa would have wanted this, that it was his intention all along for us to marry. That was why Papa had educated Wickham and sent him to the best schools.”
“That is what decided me, knowing Papa would have wanted it. I agreed that we had no choice but to run away and marry. We agreed on a date, and he went away for a day to make the arrangements.”
