“These recollections will not do at all. I can think of other, more pleasant matters to dwell on.”
In response, he drew her more tightly against him. She basked in his warmth, a glow of happiness settling over her like a warm blanket in the chill of the carriage.
“I envy that young couple on the river. What do you think she is reading to him? Do you suppose it’s a book of poems?” asked Elizabeth.
Darcy smiled. “I know it is notThe Compendium of Spells.”
“I am beginning to wonder if that is the only book you have ever read.”
“It is the only book that matters.”
He was teasing her, of course. There was a time when she would have believed him, though.
“Don’t you envy them?Theydo not need to go out under cover of darkness. Here they are, in broad daylight, simply enjoying each other’s company.”
Darcy watched the couple out of the window silently. She could not read his expression at all.
“When did you begin to love me?”
He considered the question.
“It is difficult to determine when I fell in love. I cannot fix the hour. I was in the middle of it before I knew it.”
Then Founder’s Hall appeared in the distance, standing tall and majestic, holding sway over the river. It was a beautiful building. If only it did not evoke bad memories.
“I suppose I will learn it home,” she said, “especially now that I know that Lady Alice Enright will not be there, with her schemes and accusations. She certainly did her best to make my life miserable. Did you miss the Hall?”
“Not really. I missed being in the company of other mages, but I have spent very little time at Founder’s Hall, and during most of it I was barely aware of my surroundings.”
He was thinking of his former Twin, Cuthbert. They had been close childhood friends, and Darcy blamed himself for Cuthbert’s death. Darcy had not been happy at Founder’s Hall either.
“I am sorry. I did not intend to drudge up painful memories.”
“Thankfully, these memories do not have the power to destroy me as they once did. If you had not appeared in my life, I would not have cared about anything other than getting revenge.”
She smiled, but his mind was turning in another direction.
“I cannot pretend that things will be easy between us. The shadow of Cuthbert’s death still hangs over me, in a very real way. It affected the way I reacted to the attack.”
Ah. They were coming to this.
“When Redmond was in danger, I was unable to help him. All I could think of was Cuthbert’s death. I crumpled, Elizabeth, at the crucial moment.”
It was awkward to see a gentleman who was so proud talk about such things. She could imagine how much it had cost him to make such an admission. The raw pain in his eyes plucked at her heartstrings. It was a measure of his love for her that he was willing to confide in her.
She put a hand to his cheek.
“You were attacked by a Conjurer. You know very well that they can draw on your fears and use them against you. That is how they destroy you. Unfortunately, they are very good at what they do. You are being hard on yourself.”
She bit back the breezy rejoinder that was on the tip of her tongue. She was uncomfortable with the conversation, but Darcy was not yet finished.
“At the crucial moment,” he said, “my courage failed me. I allowed the Conjurer’s illusions to overpower me. Both Redmond and I would have been killed if you had not intervened. I was unable to protect him.”
His voice was hoarse. His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed deeply. She wanted to reassure him again, but she sensed that it was better to let him have his say.
“Even during the battle, I sensed your indomitable spirit. Your courage under the stress of battle was awe-inspiring.”
“I don’t know if you can call it courage. I had little choice. I was shivering like a leaf when we were waiting for the attack to begin. My so-called courage was little more than a façade.”
