“I would be happy to do,” said Darcy.
Mrs. Bennet glared at Mary, who ignored her mother and smiled politely at Mr. Collins as she took her seat next to him.
“Mr. Collins, I have an excerpt I would like to discuss. I have written it down. It is from a philosophical text by...”
“How droll! Philosophy over breakfast?” said Lydia, with a bored pout, “surely even foryouthat is a bit too much, Mary.”
“Not at all, Cousin Lydia,” said Collins. “It is perfectly acceptable to begin the day with mental stimulation as well as physical.”
Since everyone looked at him with varying degrees of dismay, he realized he had to explain what he meant.
“I was talking of food, of course.”
He gave a little laugh, puffed up at his clever response.
From across the table, Elizabeth caught Darcy’s eye and quirked her brow. Darcy made use of his napkin to hide his smile.
Meanwhile, politeness dictated he should engage in conversation with Miss Kitty on his left and Miss Mary on the right. However, he soon realized that both young ladies were more interested in joining the general conversation than talking to him, and he gave up.
A few minutes passed, and he began to feel at peace, allowing the ebb and flow of conversation to flow around him. Strangely enough, it was a relief to be ignored, and he found himself in harmony with Mr. Bennet, who was observing everything around him with detached amusement.
Then abruptly, Mr. Collins stood up with a loud scraping of his chair.
“I hope I may be excused, but I wonder if I could speak to Cousin Elizabeth in private?”
Darcy felt suddenly sick. The baked eggs he just ate were like pebbles in his stomach. He would have to put a stop to this. He could not allow Collins to steal Elizabeth from right under his nose. He stood up, struggling against the urge to plant a facer on Collins’ self-satisfied little face.
Then several things happened. Lydia dropped her spoon into her bowl of gruel, splashing the contents across the table and onto Mr. Collins’ coat.
“Look what you have done, Lydia!” said Mary. “You have ruined Mr. Collins’ beautiful coat. Come with me, Mr. Collins, I will sort this out for you.”
Collins glared at Lydia, then stared down at his coat in dismay.
Mary clucked reassuringly. “Now, Mr. Collins, there is no need to be disturbed. We will take care of it in the blink of an eye.”
Meanwhile Elizabeth had jumped to her feet as well.
“I am sorry, Mr. Collins, but I just remembered I left my bonnet in the garden. I had better fetch it before it starts to rain.”
Collins was too preoccupied with his coat to answer. He went along with Mary, who coaxed him out of the breakfast room.
“Yes, yes,” said Mrs. Bennet, waving her handkerchief and looking distressed. “Go fetch your bonnet quickly, child. Mary, come back! I can feel a spasm coming on.”
Darcy came to his feet as well. Elizabeth had offered him a golden opportunity. He would follow her into the garden.
Mr. Bennet cleared his throat and stood up.
“Before you all go off in different directions, I hope at least one of you is willing to see me off. I will be departing for Gloucestershire in a few minutes.”
No one paid Mr. Bennet any attention. Elizabeth went out without a backward glance; Mrs. Bennet was standing in the hallway, waving her handkerchief, and calling for Lydia to go after Mary anddosomething; and Jane was sneaking off with Bingley to find a moment of privacy. Only Kitty remained seated at the table.
Not for long. She took up a forkful of food and jammed it into her mouth, then pushed her plate and went to chase after Lydia.
“Well then,” said Mr. Bennet with a sardonic smile. “That seemed to have done the trick. I have cleared the room. I was feeling a headache coming on, with all that caterwauling.”
He bowed to Mr. Darcy.
“And now by your leave, I will begin my journey in that luxurious carriage of yours.”
