There was a tree stump to the side of the path. She sank down onto it, tucking her skirts around her to protect herself. It was a miserably cold day, especially now that she was no longer walking. She was shivering.
Why had she done it? That was the question that was beginning to haunt her now. Had Mr. Darcy’s good opinion been so important, that she had been willing to jeopardize Jane’s chances?
She had not known that Jane did not actually have any chances.
The fact was Mr. Darcy’s kindness over the last few days had softened her towards him. She had felt a taste of what it meant to be safeguarded by a gentleman with the means to accomplish whatever he desired. She had felt safe. She had never had that feeling before.
It was not only that. She had to be honest with herself. Her whole body stirred at the memory of him drawing her into his arms. In that instant, she had thrown all caution to the wind. If it were not for the intervention of her dratted conscience, she did not know what might have happened. When did she start to see him differently? It had happened so suddenly over the last few days that she had not even noticed.
She was in love with Mr. Darcy.
Tears sprang up to burn her eyes. What was she to do? It was all too late. He was leaving, and she would never see him again.
She stared through blurry eyes at a group of ants trying to carry a colossal chunk of food to their home. They were doing their best to share the burden, but they kept dropping it. She wished she could reach down and help them, but she knew they would run away if she tried to do it.
She wiped away her tears angrily with her sleeve. The hard surface of the stump was digging through her clothes and the cold was seeping into every pore. She took hold of a branch and pulled herself up. If she did not go home soon, she might catch her death of a cold. Part of her wanted that to happen. If she became sick and died, it would serve Mr. Darcy right.
The childish reflection did not last long. The cold reality was that Mr. Darcy would not even know about it, because he would be long gone.
She did not wish to die of a cold. She was not prepared to sacrifice herself in the hope that Mr. Darcy would regret his harsh words.
There was a silver lining in the whole sorry business. She had accomplished something very important by making her confession. She had discovered Mr. Bingley’s infamous plans. She would have to set in motion a plan to lower her sister’s expectations so she could protect Jane from heartbreak.
Never mind that her own heart was in danger of shattering.
***
ELIZABETH TOOK A CIRCUITOUSroute to Longbourn. She wanted to avoid any chance coming face to face with Darcy again, and the long walk helped her get her agitation under control.
She arrived at Longbourn to an unexpected discovery. Mr. Bennet had come home. It was a wonderful surprise. She had never been so glad to see him in her life.
“What is wrong with your eyes, Lizzy?” he said, coming into the hallway as she untied her bonnet and took off her cloak. “They are all red. You have not been crying, have you?”
He was teasing her, of course. He did not really expect her to be crying.
“You know very well I am not the crying type,” she said with a half-sob, and threw herself into her father’s arms. “I am just glad you are back.”
Mr. Bennet patted her on the back awkwardly. “I would have arranged to go away more frequently, if I knew I would be missed so much.”
He set her at arm’s length and examined her. Somehow, she managed to muster a smile. “Now you must tell me what you have been up to.”
“You will not believe what has happened,” she said.
“I know exactly what has happened.” Papa was looking amused. “Mrs. Bennet has been explaining it to me this last half-hour. Needless to say, I am extremely annoyed at being brought from my dying friend’s bedside for such a trivial matter. However, upon reflection, there are enough advantages to the situation to overcome my annoyance. Travelling back in such a luxurious style was one of them.”
“Whatever do you mean, Papa?” she asked.
“A journey in Mr. Darcy’s coach, with the best horses awaiting me at some of the best inns – all on Mr. Darcy’s credit. It is not an experience I can easily forget.”
She gasped. This made everything even worse.
“Oh, tell me Mr. Darcy did not send his own personal carriage for you! He asked for your direction to send an express. I never imagined he would go so far! And that you would come. Did you even read my letter?”
“I did,” he said, “but it would have been very ungrateful not to accept Mr. Darcy’s offer, now that the carriage was there.”
“I am sorry, Papa. I did what I could.”
She was angry all over again at Mama’s tangle. All this was because Lydia had taken it into her mind to marry Mr. Collins.
