Priti turns to look down at me, her eyes a furious black. “Seriously?”
“No, I mean—”
“Whatdidyou mean, then? That you didn’t expect me to come back to find you and Rudra all over each other?” She covers her face with her hands, looking so frustrated and pained it stings. “Ohmygod. You and Rudra. Fuck. This can’t be happening.Fuuuck.”
I don’t know why, but tears spring to my eyes at her words. I’m still rattled by all that’s happened.
I’m so done. With everything. With this trip, with constantly having to strain to mend broken relationships, with living up to others’ expectations of me all the time.
I need a break.
“Would it be so bad?” I whisper, a tear slipping down my cheek. I wipe at it hastily, folding my arms over my chest because I suddenly feel cold. “If Rudra and I got together? Do you think I’m not good enough for him?”
Priti snaps her head up, her hands dropping. “This is not about you, Krishna! Everything is not about you all the time!”
Her words hurt. She could’ve slapped me and it would’ve hurt less.
“This is about compromise!” Her voice is sharp, harsher than before. “I was honest with you about how I felt, and you promised me there was nothing going on between the two of you. You told me you liked Amrit!”
“Because you were finally giving me a chance! You were talking to me, and I didn’t want to lose that. I know I said I didn’t feel anything for Rudra, but I did like him.” I swallow the lump in my throat, determined to not let any more tears slip out. “Idolike him. A lot. And I think he likes me. Why is that so bad?”
“Because—” Priti exclaims, her voice getting high-pitched and squeaky. “Rudra isnotthat kind of guy.”
Frustration morphs into anger so fast my head spins. I can’t believe, after all we’ve been through, after our conversations during the trek and in the Airbnb, we’re back to square one.
Because I couldn’t keep a grip on my emotions. Because I ruined it. Because I hoped Priti would understand. Because, aftereverything, I hoped she would think I’m worthy of dating her best friend.
But I guess I never will be enough for her. Nothing I dowill ever be enough.
“Are you saying I’m that kind of girl?” I choke out.
“He’s not the kind of person to say one thing and mean another!” Priti says. “I trusted you enough to come out to you. And you lied to me! I was only ever honest with you, and you lied to me.”
That’s it.
“Like you haven’t been lying to me this whole time?” I spit.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“About applying to US colleges,” I say, finally laying out what I’ve been keeping to myself these past couple of days. I’ve gone from preparing to use it as a trump card because I was indifferent to Priti after years of being let down to holding it close because of our reconciliation, hoping she’d one day trust me enough to tell me about it herself, to this... “About cutting me off from your life.”
Priti’s face turns white. “Rudra told you?” She looks so betrayed it sends a rush of glee through me. But the sensation is immediately smothered by guilt when I think about how Rudra might feel if he learns that I threw him under the bus. How Priti might feel to believe her best friend betrayed her.
I can’t do that to either of them.
“He didn’t tell me,” I say, my teeth clenched, once again left feeling like I’m always the one trying to fix things, to set things right. “At least, not intentionally. But that doesn’t matter. The truth is, you applied to American colleges, got into FIT, and didn’t even bother to tell me.” My eyes are growing cloudy again, pooling with tears. “You said you had been giving entrance exams. You said you might go toNIFT. And this whole time, you were applying to the US instead!”
Why do Icrywhen I’m angry?
Priti groans in frustration. “Ididgive entrances. Ididapply to NIFT. But I decided on the US just last year, when Rudra started working on his applications.”
What a bucketload of bullshit.
“Don’t you see how that’s worse? You had a whole year to say something—anything. How do you lie so effortlessly, and then blame me for doing the same?” I say, amazed more than hurt at this point. “You know how much planning moving abroad takes. Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you just planning on avoiding me there?”
“Iwasgoing to tell you.”
“When? After moving? Through a post that’ll just pop up on my feed, with no call, no message from you? You’re so fake, Priti! So two-faced!”
