I’ve been thinking about what you said. About how it’s been a while since Priti genuinely looked happy.
My mind goes back to my discovery of finding Priti following both the groomandthe bride. It didn’t strike me as anything out of the ordinary, but it’s just one of the hundred in-my-face clues that’s been dangling in front of me, just out of reach. Like how Rudra never said Soumyaroop’s name or “the groom” but still went along with the plan. It was always “Priti’s ex.” Because Rudra must have known all along that Priti couldn’t have been in love with the groom.
The discovery is just as wild as before:Priti is after the bride!
And just when I thought the plot couldn’t thicken more than this. This is straight out of a Karan Johar movie, with the fruit-o-meter turned up.
Thisis what will drive me to see this through: getting Priti back together with the bride, Mansi. My summer fling might’ve abruptly flamed out, but Priti is still the main character here. Her story hasn’t ended.
I don’t want her to spiral back to her old self and resent me if I snatch away her chances at love by abandoning this trip. Things with Rudra and Amrit might be doomed, but Priti’s my cousin. She used to be my best friend, my everything.
I want that back. And it doesn’t matter if I just want to go back home and forget any of this ever happened. Because I need to make sure Priti at least has a chance at being happy again. If getting her back together with Mansi is the answer, then that’s what I need to do.
And that has to start with me setting aside what I want.
But I can’t tell Priti that I know about Mansi. I can’t predict how she’ll react. She might chicken out, and our plan to help her will be ruined before it has the chance to come to fruition. I can’t have her worrying over Rudra and me either, so I have to make her believe I’m still in this for Amrit, though that’s way off from the actual truth.
The truth that I’m not going to admit to even myself anymore...because it doesn’t matter.
“I’m going to the wedding,” I say, obstinately tightening my shoulders. “I’ll meet Amrit and resolve things with him. Nothing happened between Rudra and me, and I intend to keep it that way. I promise you that. And once that’s done, we’ll leave.”
Priti nods. Her shoulders slump with visible relief, and I comprehend just now how much this trip truly means to her. I was always supposed to be the beacon guiding her on, but she’s the one making the journey.
I might’ve lied to her about why I’m going to the wedding, but it’s still true that things with Rudra or Amrit were never meant to be. And that’s okay, because I’m not risking ruining my second chance with Priti.
I won’t regret it. I won’t let myself regret a single moment. Not if it’s Priti.
She’s indescribably brave for going after and professing her love even though she knows there’s a good chance she might return with her heart broken further, and it might never mend. But she’s still willing to take that chance. I admire her for it. If she can be this stubborn, driven, and resolute for love, then I can do the same for her.
Tomorrow, the chapter closes onbothAmrit and Rudra.
And a new chapter begins with Priti, who is all that matters.
21
In Today’s Therapy Session, Let’s Evaluate Why You Love Hypothesizing About Other People’s Lives, Krishna. Shall We?
Prabalmachi, Sunday
After that difficult conversation, I thought I might doze off from exhaustion, but I’m unable to sleep a wink. Priti’s fast asleep already, snoring loudly, but I lie with my face resting on crossed arms, looking out at the view, AirPods playing soft songs in my ears.
A few college-aged trekkers from other groups have lit a bonfire about ten feet from the tents. I long to go outside and warm my hands over the fire, but I don’t want to interrupt what looks like an intimate gathering of friends. They’re laughing and whispering to each other, seated in a circle, bundled in Solapur blankets clearly stolen from their tents.
It looks like they’re playing truth or dare, because at one point, one of the girls crawls over to another girl seated opposite her, and they kiss, giggling as they pull away. The second girl, the one whobreaks the kiss first, looks dazed, a taut set to her shoulders.
I smile to myself, recognizing that look of utter sapphic longing on her face. If I’m speculating correctly, those two girls are good friends. The bolder one, who crawled over to the other girl, is taking the kiss as just that—adare. The shy one’s either closeted or hasn’t confessed she’s in love with her yet.
Perhaps I’m wrong about the whole situation and making up stories in my head, but a part of me hopes these two girls get together one day. There’s nothing that fills me with more buttery warmth than the thought of queer people being happy and experiencing their own love stories.
I’ve always been like this. Gauging absolute strangers from a distance and making up stories about them in my head. They have no idea there’s a girl with an overactive imagination looking at them, hypothesizing about their probably wildly different lives.
The image of the two girls kissing plays in my head again, the lingering touch of their lips, and I shut my eyes, wondering, not for the first time, what it would be like to kiss someone. I’ve overhyped the thought of it in my head, deluded myself into thinking the experience of that first kiss needs to be picture-perfect, with the perfect person.
It can be a special moment without having to be perfect. It can be with someone who doesn’t end up being “the one” for you. Under spur-of-the-moment circumstances. You might like to meticulously organize every aspect of your life, but unplanned things are best sometimes.
I turn my head, resting my cheek against the back of my hands, eyes closed. Rudra’s right. I’m giving it too much importance, building it up to a fairy tale in my head. It doesn’t and shouldn’t matter so much. Just because it hasn’t happened to me yet doesn’t make me anyless worthy or undeserving of love and romance. It will happen in its own time, take its own course. I know it. I can feel it.
In the meantime, I can try to continue to heal my existing relationship with Priti.
