No.
It doesn’t seem believable.
And perhaps all that sincerity I saw in him is just a facade. Priti is right. All of this is so out of pocket, so out of nowhere. Guys like Rudra don’t fall for girls like me. And when guys like Amrit do, I drop them.
I am so stunned by my own jarring thoughts I can’t speak, can’t move. I feel embarrassed, more than anything, because I should’ve known this was coming. Admittedly, finding out that Priti was still in love with her ex made me think I might have a chance with Rudra, when I should’ve trusted my gut all along and not let his flirting get to me. A guy says a few nice things to me and I tumble ass over kettle for him.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” I cry, frustrated, when Priti just keeps staring at me.
“You’re such an idiot” is all she says.
“I am,” I say, sick of how malleable and easily puppeteered I am. “I’m stupid because I knew you guys liked each other this whole while, and yet—”
“Krishna, can you shut up for a moment?”
I’m surprised to find my mouth clamping shut.
Priti rubs a hand over her face, then turns her gaze to the top of the tent. “I can’t believethisis how I’m going to come out to you.”
I stare at her. “What?”
Priti exhales heavily. “I am not in love with Rudra. And neither is he with me. Because I’m intogirls, you idiot. I’m a lesbian.”
20
That Rainbow Shirt at Target Is Definitely Turning Your Kids Gay—and You Didn’t Hear It from Me
Prabalmachi, Sunday
Why am I not as surprised as I should be?
“It’s obvious why you thought Rudra and I were unrequitedly in love with each other or something,” Priti says, “but aside from the fact that Rudra isn’t my type because of his broodiness, I’mnotstraight.”
I’msuchan idiot. All the hints have been staring me right in the face, but clearly, my gaydar has been way off. How could I have not seen it?
When I don’t respond, Priti shrugs.
“I haven’t come out to anyone in the family yet. Digha and Rudra, yes, but they’re both technically friends. And now you.” Her eyes flash, the sudden frisson of anxiety in them as familiar to me as a second skin. It mirrors the feeling I had when I came out to Rudra. “So please, don’t tell anyone, okay?”
I finally find my voice. “Oh no! No, god, no. I would never outyou. Not just because that would make me the shittiest person ever, but becauseI get it. I’m bi, and the only people who know in our family are Srishti and my parents. And, well, now Rudra. We came out to each other last night.”
Priti’s features soften at that. “Damn.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
It just hits me that we’ve come out to each other.
And just like that, the ice is broken.
I crack a laugh. “You know what’s funny? When I came back to India the year after we moved, I was so jealous of Rudra. You and I hadn’t talked in months, and I was hoping we’d be fine when we met face-to-face and that you’d be the same. But when we got to Nani’s house, I found you sitting there, withRudra. You didn’t get up and rush to greet me, the way you used to, even though back then we used to see each other nearly every day. I went up to you—I was so excited to see you—and the first thing you said to me was that Rudra was your best friend now.”
Priti stares at me, speechless.
“You’re so angry at the idea that, what, I’ll take Rudra away from you? Is that it?” I scoff, like that could ever happen. “What about the fact that you replaced me with him? You guys have managed to stick by one another all these years; meanwhile, I’m over here resentful that we didn’t lastoneyear apart!”
Not to mention that she applied to American colleges and didn’t tell me about it. She applied with Rudra, to be closer tohim, not me. I suppose it is selfish to think that way, because I’m sure Priti had a hundred other reasons why she was applying, and I’m sure being close to Rudra was only one of them.
It bruises my heart, regardless.
