“You’re loud.”
“Get out of my face.”
My attention is still on Rudra, who, by the way,doeshave a nice alignment of features. Dark eyebrows, deep-set eyes, square jaw, sharp nose. And, of course, there’s the ponytail in question: dark, wavy hair that usually falls just short of his shoulders, now in a messy bundle, stray strands framing his face.
Huh.
But he isn’t someone I’d crush on, even in my dreams. My typetalks. I’m into sunshine boys, like Amrit. And I used to have a huge crush on this cute sunshine girl in my sophomore year. She was the whole reason I figured out I was bi.
As if sensing I’m staring at him, Rudra suddenly looks in my direction. There’s a sort of coldness to his features, much like Priti’s, a jarring contrast to the momentary tenderness I spotted when he handed me the water earlier.
I jerk my head away immediately, embarrassed to have been caught staring atRudra, of all people, even though he technically got caught looking at me first. Priti was probably griping about me to him.
God, to think those initial summers in India I used to be jealous of Rudra because I hated that he took my place as Priti’s best friend, even though none of it was his fault. It was Priti who let me down.
They’re perfect for each other, in every way, I think bitterly, even though I’ve long put that envy behind me.
I find that Srishti and Manas are still arguing, so I head to theisland to stock up on more chakna, when Amrit approaches, looking painfully sad. My hopes crumble to dust, and he doesn’t have to say it for me to know. But he does.
“Hey,” he says, his throat bobbing. “I have to go.”
“Rightnow?” Amrit’s house is five minutes away, and I haven’t had the chance to say a proper goodbye. This horrible night is coming to a close a lot quicker than I anticipated.
“Mom’s already called twice, and we have to leave for the airport in a few hours.” Amrit cracks a lopsided smile. “You know how it is with dads.”
I know exactly how it is. I know that even though Amrit’s flight isn’t until seven in the morning, they’re going to end up at the airport three hours early because Desi dads are super paranoid about that sort of thing.
“So this is really it, huh?” I say, swallowing thickly.
I feel shittier about this than I thought I would, than I was prepared for.
“I guess it is.”
“Have you booked an auto yet?”
“Yes, it’s waiting for me downstairs.”
“I’ll drop you,” I say, setting my cup aside. But I don’t even make it two wobbly steps before Amrit takes my arm.
“Krishna,” Amrit says firmly but kindly. “You’re probably still out of it. Sober up and hydrate yourself. I’ll manage.” And for one wild moment, when he leans in toward me, I think he’s about to finally kiss me.
But his arms go around me, and he hugs me instead.
Surprisingly enough, I find myself feeling grateful, because despite everything, I don’t think I’m mentally or physically prepared for akiss. Not right now. Not with a boy who’s leaving, who I’m never going to get to see again.
I shut my eyes, my chin resting in the crook of his shoulder, savoring his warmth, before he pulls back, his eyes glittering.
“I’ll see you around, Krish.”
“Have fun at the wedding” is all I can get myself to say before he steps away, putting space between us again. I don’t know what to feel, what to think right now. All I know is I’m going to miss this human version of a golden retriever.
As he wades through the crowd and to the door, pausing briefly to thank Rajeev bhaiya for hosting the party, I know I’m going to regret this tomorrow. But my feet don’t move, rooted to the floor, as I watch him leave.
I can feel Priti’s and Rudra’s gazes on me, burning into the side of my cheek, but I don’t turn to them, too tired, too dehydrated, and more than a little crushed.
The petrifying feeling of knowing I’m headed to college with zero romantic skill or experience begins to settle in. Maybe it’s time I accept the truth.
Thisis who I’m always meant to be—studious, high-strung, high-achieving, risk-averse, inexperienced Krishna Kumar, who’s yet again found herself at the end of a house party without having closed the deal.
