“You’re going to need to be more specific,” Rudra says as he puts the book back on the shelf.
“You said you thought I was spoiled—what did you mean by that?”
“Does it really matter?” Rudra leans against the bookshelf. Another thing people do that I find sickeningly attractive (fuck you, internet, you’ve corrupted our generation).
“I’m curious.”
“It just felt to me like you were used to getting things your way.”
“Like?”
“The whole Amrit thing.” His eyes flash when he says that, though I don’t know why. “As it turned out,Pritiwas the one who was more insistent.”
So it wasn’t just me who noticed Priti’s own interests in getting to Goa. I really couldn’t care less, though. She didn’t bother to tell me she was applying to American universities; far be it from her to let me know herrealintentions behind accompanying me to Goa.
“But isn’t that good?” I ask haughtily. “Going after what you want? Amrit likes me, this is my last summer before college, and I want to be able to say I did something. At least I know what I want and I’m going after it.”
“Knowing what you want is great, and I get that you’re kind of a hopeless romantic, but it’s the delusion behind it that seems, I don’t know, over-the-top.”
“Delusion?”
“The whole thing with the big romance of it all. You’ve built this fairy tale in your head. Having the perfect kiss with the perfect golden boy.”
“Oh, I’msorryif I don’t want to feel regretful about what’s supposed to be a special moment—my first kiss—for the rest of my life,” I huff.
“Wait... yourfirstkiss?” Rudra says, quietly shocked even as his eyes soften. “I—I didn’t know.”
It takes me a moment to figure out what he’s so surprised about until I realize he had no clue about my... romantic inexperience.
But I have too little time to feel embarrassed before Rudra regroups to add, “That just proves my point even more. It can be a special moment without having to be perfect. It can be with someone who doesn’t end up being ‘the one’ for you. Under spur-of-the-moment circumstances. You might like to meticulously organize every aspect of your life, but unplanned things are best sometimes.”
“First off, you know you’re totally mansplaining me right now, right?”
“I told you my opinion doesn’t really matter. You’re the one who asked for it.”
“Second, what part of this heading-off-on-a-road-trip-to-crash-a-wedding-and-kiss-a-boy thing seems meticulouslyplannedto you?”
“You’re setting yourself up for disappointment. What if it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to? What if he’s not ‘the one’ for you?”
“FYI, I don’t expect a fairy-tale kiss. And who saidanythingabout Amrit being ‘the one’?”
Rudra seems to pause at that, his face open and questioning. “You don’t think he’s ‘the one’ for you?”
“How could I? Our paths are heading in entirely separate directions. We’re not even in a relationship!”
“So what does he mean to you, then?” he asks, and I might assume he was nervous if I didn’t know any better.
“He’s a crush. I like him—I’ve liked him all summer—and more importantly, he likes me back. As far as my expectations go, wanting to kiss a nice boy who’s interested and knows what he’s doing doesn’t seem particularlydelusional, Rudra.”
“Experience doesn’t really decide how good a kiss is going to be.” Rudra’s eyes fix fast on me when he says that, and I fight the urge to shake off the sudden, fluttery feeling that crawls up my body at his words. “It’s all about confidence.”
“Confidence comes with experience, genius.”
“Thatkindof experience isn’t everything. Look at you—you’re smart,” Rudra says. “You’ve done all those internships. Won those awards and medals. Headed all those clubs. You were valedictorian. If anything,youare the catch in this scenario.”
I have to force myself to keep my mouth closed because it nearly falls open when I hear those words come from Rudra. I really must’ve stepped into an alternate dimension.
“How do you know all that?” I ask, flinging my now-empty coffee cup into a bin nearby. Him knowing about my dreams of being a doctor, I understand—I know how often I talk about it—but everything else?
