“I’m not sure if you scare me or if I’m a little bit in love with you,” I admit.
“I get that a lot.” She nods, completely serious.
Amity leans forward. “When I first came around the club…well, let’s just say I wasn’t a big fan of how they jumped to conclusions.”
“She pulled a gun on them and flipped over the fence like a ninja,” Legs throws in before taking a mouthful of her ice cream. Her eyes widen before she takes a second bite. “Chili ice cream. It’s hot and cold and delicious.”
I grimace. “I think I’ll stick with what I’ve got, thanks.”
I look back to Amity, then to Nevaeh when she starts talking. “I’m with Havoc, as you know, but before me was Lola. And the club, well, they messed up with her badly.”
“I knew Lola. She was sweet to me. None of the other women at that clubhouse made any kind of attempt to get to know me.”
“It’s hard knowing that I have this amazing life because Lola lost everything. She didn’t deserve any of the crap that happened to her. I won’t lie. How she’s even able to have any kind of relationship with Havoc after everything is beyond me. Shereally is just a good person and a great mom. Havoc was a crappy partner, and he didn’t deserve her.”
I blink in surprise at what just came out of her mouth.
“I love my man, but I’m not oblivious to his faults. Yeah, I admit from his side, it didn’t look good. And he had his own stuff going on, so he decided to just cut and run. But he should have talked to her first, should have really heard her out. And because he didn’t, he’ll carry the guilt of what happened to her for the rest of his life. As he should. I’m so glad she has Hannibal in her corner. He’d burn down both clubhouses to keep her safe, and that’s the way it should be.”
Amity and Legs nod, and I find myself completely enthralled with this woman.
“My point, which I almost forgot, is that we’re taking what we heard about you with a pinch of salt. We’d rather hear it from you, or you know, get to know you better so we can decide for ourselves.”
I don’t know how to respond to that. On the one hand, it’s reassuring that if I do ever go back to the clubhouse, I won’t be walking into a hostile group of women. On the other hand, I feel even more pressure to rip open old wounds so that they can…what? Get some kind of closure? I doubt I’d be able to answer any of the questions they have. God knows I have a thousand of them myself. But with Lee gone, the answers died along with him.
Legs gets out of her seat and squeezes her big belly in next to me in the booth. “They’re being genuine.”
I look at her and nod, my ice cream forgotten for a moment. “Thanks for, um, putting my mind at ease, I guess.” I blow out a frustrated breath, not sure how to say what I want to without offending anyone. “I’m not sure I’m ready to come back to the clubhouse. Not sure I’ll ever be. Hell, it’s hard to imagine after being banished that I’d suddenly be welcomed back. It’sa lot, and though you guys seem nice, there will still be some convinced of my guilt. Though I’m not sure what, to this day, they think I’m guilty of. I wasn’t there. I played no part in what went down. I didn’t know of any plans for a coup. Lee never mentioned anything about that to me. I’ll admit, I was so caught up in my own shit at the time that I’m not sure I would have noticed if he’d been acting differently. I guess that’s on me. But then if he wasn’t with me, he was at the clubhouse, and nobody there seemed to notice him acting differently either.”
“From what I’ve overheard, it mostly stemmed from you not being there the night it happened when you were supposed to be. It was a patch-in party for one of the prospects. Everyone was supposed to turn up.”
“I was going to. I was getting dressed when I started to feel really sick. I ended up spending the evening alone, throwing up. That’s how I knew something was wrong. Lee wouldn’t have left me alone that long, knowing I was sick. When he never came back, I knew something bad had happened.”
“You got sick?” Amity frowns.
“I know it sounds made up. The brothers didn’t believe me either, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s the truth.”
“No, I wasn’t questioning if it was true or not, just that it was convenient.”
Before I can get offended, Neveah butts in. “You’re thinking she was given something that made her sick, so she wasn’t there that night?”
“If I were going to pull that shit and didn’t want my loved one there to get caught in the crossfire, I’d do what I had to do to keep them away, even slip something in their drink that might make them sick.”
I think back to that night and the glass of wine Lee poured for me while I was having a bath. I hadn’t wanted to drink, but Lee said it would be a good way to relax my nerves, as this would bethe first time I’d been back to the clubhouse since losing our son. I took his advice and drank it down, hoping it would help. Thirty minutes later, I was puking.
I cover my mouth with my hands, blinking back tears at yet another betrayal.
“You remembered something,” Amity says softly.
Legs reaches over and wraps her arms around me.
I fill them in on what I just remembered. Neveah looks at me with sympathy.
“He loved you, didn’t he? That’s the part that doesn’t fit?” Amity asks, cocking her head.
Neveah splutters. “He drugged her. That’s not love.”
She looks at Neveah, smoothing a strand of hair from her face. “Love is different for everyone. Look at Hannibal. He adores Lola, I know that, but we also know the only reason that man isn’t onAmerica’s Most Wantedis because the club kept him in check. He’s wired differently. He sure as shit is not a good guy, or what a woman would look for in a healthy relationship. But I honestly do believe there isn’t a man on this planet who can love her harder than he does.”
