I feel tears running down my face as I think back to that day when I wanted nothing more than to curl up and die right along with him.
“If it wasn’t for Lee, I think I’d have given up there and then. He was my rock, though. He kept his hand locked around mine so I didn’t drown.” I look at Legs and see she’s quietly crying, too. I reach out and grab her hand, squeezing it. She holds on tight, offering me comfort in the only way she knows how.
“The hospital let us spend time with him, taking photos and footprints. And then he was gone, and I had to go home with a heavy heart and empty arms. The next few weeks were a blur. I blamed myself, I blamed Lee, I blamed God, and even the devil himself. I was so angry, and Lee never once held it against me. And then my rock was gone too. And everything else around me crumbled to dust.”
“You wanted to join them,” she whispers, sorrow in her voice as her thumb slides over my scar.
“I don’t know if it was a conscious thought. I just wanted my family back. But I didn’t do it when I found out what kind of man Lee really was, or when I found out he was dead. I didn’t even think about it when Ravens threw me out like yesterday’s trash and threatened to murder me if I came back. I went home and found my house engulfed in flames. The only thing I had left of my son, those five photos and his footprints, were in that house.”
She covers her mouth to smother a sob, and I belatedly realize I shouldn’t have told a pregnant woman this story. But once I started, I couldn’t stop. There were only a few people who knew about Samuel, and my baby deserved more than to be a statistic.
“Oh god, Delphi, I’m so sorry.”
I shrug. “What was done can’t be undone. There is so much rage inside me, Legs. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get past it. It took me a long time to find the strength to keep going. The whole thing shattered me. Don’t get me wrong, I eventually found a way to rebuild myself, but I’m different now. Harder, more standoffish. I have to be, because I know I don’t have it in me to survive something like that again.”
“I can’t even imagine the amount of pain you must have been in. The fact that you’re here with me now is a testament to just how strong you are. You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit.”
“Nobody gives themselves credit for surviving, especially when you’re the only one who made it.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
I look at her warily but nod.
“Kruger? You never thought about him like, you know, that before?”
“For an ex-club girl, you sure do beat around the bush.”
She playfully elbows me, her smile lighting the mood. “Did you ever think about fucking him?”
“No. When I say all I saw was Lee, I wasn’t lying.”
“But now he’s gone…” She leaves it hanging, but I’m not sure what she wants me to say.
“He says he loved me even way back when I was someone else’s girl. But that Delphi had stars in her eyes. This one has scorch marks.”
“Can’t walk through hell without getting a little singed, babe.”
I chuckle. “I guess I can’t argue with that. My point is, he’s in love with a woman who doesn’t exist anymore. I might have survived this,” I hold up my wrist to show my scar, so there is no confusion. “But younger me didn’t. She bled out before anyone could find her. And honestly, I’ve made peace with that. I think she needed to die so I could find a way to live with this insanity.”
“If you strip everything else away, pretend none of the bullshit exists between you and the club, would Kruger be someone you’d be interested in?”
If this were anyone else, I’d lie or give them a sharp response so they’d know to back off. But Legs is immune to it, especially now. I close my eyes and picture Kruger’s hands on my body and the way my skin sings whenever he touches me.
“Yes. I’m attracted to Kruger. That’s probably the only part of this whole mess that makes sense.”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that.”
My lips twitch. “Remind me to show you a picture of Snake one day. Let’s just say I have a type.”
“Okay, now you have me really curious.”
“My dad has a couple of my wedding photos in his attic. Mine were destroyed in the fire, and I doubt the club has any, so I guess you’ll just have to wait.”
“Ugh, fine. And I seriously went off track. What was I talking about before my baby brain did a mind sweep?”
“That I’m your best friend,”
“Obviously.”
