Kruger looks at Havoc. I lean back and watch as they have a silent conversation with each other, keeping my mouth shut even though it’s pissing me off.
“Tell me about Blade’s involvement.”
I sigh, not wanting to bring anything down on the man, but trusting that he can handle it.
“He came to the shop the day after it opened.”
I should be floating on cloud nine, but all I can think about is Theo. Putting on an act and pretending everything’s okay is one thing, but trying to pretend I’m blissfully happy is another thing altogether, and Kruger deserves that. I don’t want him to think for a single second that I don’t want him anymore.
I look up from the counter when the door opens and freeze when I see Blade standing in the doorway. We haven’t spoken since the truth came out at the clubhouse. Part of it is because he has his hands full with the kids and Conan, but I know part of it is him avoiding me.
“Mindy, can you take care of things for me for a little while?”
“Sure, no problem, Delphi.”
I walk around the counter and wait for Blade to move closer before turning and heading toward my office. I sense him following me, but I don’t say anything. I unlock the door, walk inside, and take a seat, putting the desk between us.
He steps inside, looking around briefly before his eyes land on me. “Do you want me to leave the door open?” he asks softly.
Something flutters in my chest. I stand up. The look of guilt and defeat in his eyes softens the edges of my lingering anger, like throwing a blanket over barbed wire.
I move past him and close the door myself before stepping up to him. “I’m not afraid of you, Blade.”
And it’s true. Somewhere along the way, the bogeyman under my bed became the comforting presence of a stuffed toy.
“You protected me the only way you knew how. I still don’t know how to deal with it all, but I’m working through it. Everything is this confusing mass of feelings I’ve spent years burying.”
“I know the feeling. I told my family what happened. Sunshine thought I should have told you to start with. King agrees that it would have been too dangerous, not knowing all the players who were involved.”
“Two things can be true at the same time,” I remind him before sighing. “Part of me is adamant you should have told me from the start. But the truth is, looking back, I see how fragile I was. Lord knows I have the scars to prove it. I’m not sure…No, I know I wasn’t mentally strong enough to hear or heal from that revelation. Thank you for looking after me when I couldn’t look after myself.”
“I could have done better. Could have found a different way?—”
“Maybe,” I concede, cutting him off. “But you did the best you could with the hand you were dealt. Hindsight is a cruel bastard. Please stop torturing yourself with should have, would have, could haves. I do that enough for both of us.”
He lets out a strangled chuckle but nods. “I’ll try.”
“If you’re looking for absolution, Blade, you’ve come to the wrong place. There is nothing to absolve.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Me too.” My eyes move to my desk, where I have a framed photo of me and Theo that Kruger took. “What about atonement?”
He frowns. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s not me that needs to forgive, Blade. It’s you that needs to forgive yourself. And as you’re a man of actions, what if you do something to balance the scales?”
“You want me to do something for you that would make up for what I did?”
I don’t answer. I’ve already forgiven him. This is something he needs to do to feel like he’s actively paid some kind of restitution for the pain and suffering inflicted on me.
“Tell me what you need, Delphi.”
I don’t hesitate. “I need a cloned cellphone, something to knock out a grown man that would be hard to detect if you weren’t actively looking for it, and something else. Something a drug addict would find impossible to resist.”
“Something that will get them high?”
“Something that will get them dead in the right doses.”
