“It was necessary.” I study her face. “My turn. What scares you most right now?”
She’s quiet for a moment. “That I’ll never be normal. That Nathan broke something in me that can’t be fixed.”
“Nothing about you needs fixing.”
“But—”
“My turn for a follow-up. Do you want to be normal? Really?”
She blinks at the question. “I—I don’t know. I want to not feel wrong all the time.”
“Question eight. Are you hungry?”
She blinks at the shift. “What?”
“Food. Have you eaten? Because we’ve been doing this for an hour and you need calories.”
“I … No.”
I stand. “Come on.”
“Where?”
“Kitchen. I’m making you food.”
“That’s not a question.”
“No. It’s a necessity.”
She unfolds from the couch slowly, following me to the kitchen. I find pasta, canned sauce, and start the water boiling. She sits at the small table, watching me work.
“Why do you care if I eat?” she asks quietly.
“Is that question nine?”
“Yes.”
“Because you’re my responsibility. And because …” I turn to face her. “Because Nathan made you feel like you were too much. Like you took up too much space. But you barely take up any space at all. You’re trying to disappear.”
And because I’m hard again. Harder than before. Just from hearing her voice get stronger, from watching her slowly unfold. From the way she tilts her head when she thinks, and how she peeks up at me through those lashes.
Christ, I need release. Need something. But cooking will have to do. Something to keep my hands busy before I do something stupid.
“Maybe disappearing is safer.”
“Maybe. But it’s no way to live.”
The water boils. I add pasta and stir the sauce. Simple, basic, but she needs food. Needs someone to take care of her without making her feel small for needing it.
My cock’s still rock hard, pressing against my zipper like it’s trying to escape. Not going down. If anything, watching her sit, bare legs tucked under her, it’s getting worse.
I’m going to have to handle this on my own after she goes to bed. Take myself in hand in the shower, stroke it rough and fast until I come thinking about those golden eyes going dark with want. About how she’d sound if I actually touched her the way her body’s begging for.
But for now, I cook. Because she needs this more than I need release.
“Last question,” I say. “For both of us.”
She nods.
