Lisa:Yeah. I don’t feel comfortable revealing too much personal info about him, but she had good reason to worry about his health as well as her mom’s health. So yeah, she’s had to move back in to look after both of them, she’s going through a pretty rough time
Somehow, I just can’t imagine Haven Lee going through a “rough time.” Someone like Haven glides through life effortlessly, with nothing sticking to her. Even after Dani’s death, Haven bounced back just fine. All her Facebook posts about how much she missed Dani sounded so forced, and I heard through the grapevine that Haven spent that summer traveling through Italy with her parents. Right before she started at Stanford, where she was her usual shiny, brilliant self. I switch over to Instagram once more and look at her latest posts again. Nothing butupbeat, cheerful posts. The ones that include her parents showcase them smiling, laughing, and gazing at her with nothing but joy and affection. There is nothing here that implies a “rough time.”
It’s clear to me what’s happening. Back in middle and high school, Haven excelled at playing the innocent victim. She reveled in casting herself as the underdog, a queen bee masquerading as a simple drone. I would often come across people saying things like, “Oh did you hear about poor Haven?” And the examples of her being downtrodden were generally things that were unverifiable by the rest of us students, such as her mom’s visa getting denied and there being the possibility of her mom being deported. Very shocking and terrifying, sure, but nothing that us kids could’ve looked up and proved to be untrue, and in the meanwhile, Haven would receive all this attention and sympathy. I wouldn’t have cared so much if she hadn’t been so vile to me, but at the time, it felt like the worst kind of gaslighting, where only I saw the monster behind the curtains, and everyone else saw this perfect, harmless angel with soft, innocent doe eyes and a disposition that made them go “Awww!”
And now, here we are again, back at the exact place I thought I’d left for good. I want to grab Lisa and shout, “Haven isn’t going through a rough time at all! She’s probably made it all up about her dad getting COVID just to get to you!” Oh god. As soon as I think it, it becomes so painfully obvious. Yes, of course, this is why Haven’s doing this. She knows that Lisa and Jenna are my only friends, and she’s been scheming to get to them somehow, the way she did with Dani. Jenna is a little harder to get to because she’s such a loyal friend, but when Lisa posted about her best friend getting COVID, Haven found her opening and got to her. My entire body aches at the thought of Haven sinking her claws into one of only two friends that I have. Why? Why is Haven so determined to take what little things I have away? She has more friends than I could possibly count, but no, it’s still not enough. She needs to take, and take, until there’s nothing left of me. God, I curse the day that I met Haven Lee.
And now, two paths fork before me. I could pretend to be just as clueless as everybody else about Haven and say sympathetic things. Or I could take the risk and tell Lisa that Haven is not to be trusted, that her dad seems totally fine and she’s probably just made it all up.
There is nothing to gain from taking that risk, a small voice whispers. Keep your eyes on your own lane.
Then again, another voice pipes up, you decided on the first path back in middle school, and look where that got you. You listened to your parents. You put your head down and kept quiet, but you didn’t manage to stay out of trouble, did you? She got you all the same. You curled up so tight you practically disappeared, but she found you anyway. She’s set her sights on you. There’s no point trying to hide. She sees you, Fern. You need to make a stand. You need to fight back.
I do. I need to fight back. I straighten my back and think of what to say. After a few moments, I type out my reply.
Fern:That’s so weird, because on Instagram she seems to be so happy and everything is going great for her. Her parents both look really healthy?
That’s good, right? It’s not too pointed. I’m merely making an observation, and I’m stopping short of making any judgments.
Lisa:Umm, well I think people generally curate their social media posts, right? You know what they say, social media is just the highlight reel of our lives, and nobody sees the grisly details from behind the scenes.
Fern:That’s totally true, but IDK, just from everything I know about Haven, I feel like she tends to hmm, like, inflate a little?
Jenna:Do you mean like she makes stuff up?
Fern:I mean ... I think she tends to add her own spice to the story, if that makes sense
Lisa:Huh. Really? It really didn’t strike me as her making stuff up. She said some really specific things that I don’t think you could make up ...
I can’t believe it’s happening all over again. People choosing to believe Haven’s word over mine. Me ending up feeling crazy, like I’m making things up about her. But I know what I went through. I know what Haven is really like. Lisa doesn’t.
Fern:She can be really persuasive. Trust me, I know, I went through hell in middle and high school because of everything she did towards me.
Lisa:Oh gosh, yeah. I’m sorry, I remember you bringing that up now
Did Lisa really forget about that? How could she have? If she’d told me about her high school bully, I wouldn’t have forgotten. I would remember it, and I would be a real friend, which means I would be on Team Lisa all the way and be predisposed to hating the other person. I’m not even asking Lisa to hate Haven right now; all I’m asking her to do is to take a step back and look at Haven objectively, without all the bullshit that Haven’s been feeding her. Is that too much to ask for?
Lisa:What was it that Haven did to you again?
Fern:I don’t really want to go into the gory details, but she basically turned everyone in middle schoolagainst me, including my best friend. And most of us ended up going to the same high school, so the bullying just carried on over all the way through high school. It was horrible.
Lisa:Oh my gosh, that sounds horrific. I’m so sorry
Jenna:I’m sorry you went through that too, Fern. Nobody deserves that
The sickening dark feeling abates a little, just enough so I feel like I can breathe again. I’ve said my piece and reminded Lisa and Jenna of the truth about Haven. I’ve warned them, and now I can go on and be at peace once more.
Lisa:God, as much as I hate to say it though, I feel like people do change sometimes, and after everything Haven’s told me, I think she’s really changed! She’s so different from what you describe. She even told me that she regrets a lot of things that happened back when she was younger. I bet she was referring to you! And you know what, just the other day when I was chatting with her, she mentioned that she admires how you were working as a photographer in New York. She thought it was really cool that you have such an artistic talent and she even said what a shame you couldn’t continue doing photography!
The momentary peace I’d felt evaporates just like that, in the blink of an eye. I can’t believe it. For a moment, I am an empty vessel, feeling nothing, sensing nothing. Then the rage comes, and when it does, it knocks me over, consuming me completely and utterly. My vision goes black, I have no awareness of what I’m doing—I have a vague sensethat I’ve fallen back onto the bed and am tearing at my hair, literally just grabbing clumps of my hair and yanking. Somehow, a small part of me manages to cry out to be heard over the overwhelming waves of black rage. It surfaces onto conscious thought and pries my fingers open before I can rip out my own hair. Slowly, my clenched fists open up. I fight my arms down to my sides. I force myself to take an inhale and imagine the air filling up my lungs, and when I exhale, I imagine the darkness swirling out of my nostrils, filling the room with black smoke.
Haven knows that I was working for Annette back in New York. Annette, who fired me because of “numerous complaints” made about me. I remember scratching my head over those complaints when she first mentioned them, wondering what it was I could’ve possibly done to warrant a complaint. And not just one but several of them. I fleetingly suspected Haven, then scolded myself for being paranoid. But now, I know Haven was behind them. It’s exactly the kind of thing she would do.
By the time I calm down enough to drag myself out of the spiral, it’s clear what needs to happen. Haven is a poisonous snake. She’s made me lose my job, and now she is reaching out to my allies and letting her lies and her charm poison them. I do not have the antidote for this powerful toxin; I see that now. I’ve tried talking sense into Lisa, but she’s too far gone. She knows about Haven’s past, and she doesn’t care. She’s bought into Haven’s charm, Haven’s irresistible persona, and I need to realize that I don’t have what it takes to counter it, at least not like this. I cannot play Haven’s games by Haven’s rules. I need to change the game itself.
I need to play a different game.
Chapter 17
