Fern:I don’t know, but that’s pretty par for the course with the Haven I know.
Yuna:Wow, okay. OKAY. I’m sooo glad I haven’t sent that email to my agent. Now I know. Thank you again!!
There. I’ve saved someone from Haven’s clutches. Something I’ve wished for myself countless times, and I’ve managed to start the ball rolling. Is it cliché to say that I feel proud of myself? Oh, to hell with it. I absolutely do. I want to give myself a pat on the head, actually.
“And now,” I say out loud, “I am closing my laptop and going to enjoy the real world.”
This was something Aliyah drilled into me. The value of a good walk, using all my senses and noticing everything around me to help ground me in the space outside of my own head. I’ve had to work hard at it because after so many years of bullying, I developed a habit of escaping reality and burrowing into myself, curling my consciousness into a tight ball and pretending that nothing else existed. It’s taken years to pull me out of my shell, and now I relish my daily walks.
I leave the apartment with a sense of, if not peace, then something approaching it. I’m no longer a passive observer, lying back and letting Haven trample people over in her rush to the top. And I’m stopping myself from obsessing over her again by indulging in a self-care session. I’ve grown so much as a person, and I am so proud of myself for it.
Chapter 11
Jenna:You need to be more active in the general channels, Fern! You can’t let Haven’s presence intimidate you into staying silent
Lisa:What she said
Fern:Uggghhh I know but I’m so scared of becoming a target again
Jenna:Omg, you know we have your back!
Lisa:Right. And if you keep on staying quiet, you’re only punishing yourself by not letting yourself have this
Jenna:Yeah, it’s part of our debut experience! We’ve earned the right to be members of this debut group, so you shouldn’t let Haven make you miss out on this too
Fern:I knowww. Okay, I’ll say something in one of the general channels ... can you guys reply to itthough?? I know it’s stupid but if no one replies I’m going to feel awful
Lisa:Yes, of course!
I switch from our private channel and check out the general channels, wondering which conversation I can join. It’s been three days now since the Slack was created, and aside from my first day, I haven’t said anything in the general channels. I told Lisa and Jenna it’s because of Haven, and they’ve been trying to get me to partake in the conversations ever since. It’s a refreshing change. I can’t help but compare their reactions to Dani’s when I first told her that Haven was picking on me. But then I feel guilty comparing their reactions to Dani’s because these are grown women and Dani was just a kid back then. My best friend who has haunted me for the last ten years.
Lisa and Jenna have my best interests at heart, and I know it, but the thought of saying something where Haven can see it also makes me want to shrivel up and hide in a dark corner, lest I attract Haven’s attention. In my mind right now, Haven is like that huge girl robot with laser eyes inSquid Game. If she catches me moving, her eyes will lock on mine, and then she’ll kill me.
No, it’s different this time. I’m no longer a loner with no one on my side. I have Lisa and Jenna, and I also have Yuna and also Alexis, yet another debut I reached out to privately after seeing her interaction with Haven. I will be okay.
I click on the #commiserations channel and check the latest post, which was only posted two minutes ago.
Kristin:Ugh, does anyone else’s editor want to change your book title? My title isYou’re Mine for Goodand I know it’s not the best title, but my editor is suggesting changing it toFor Better or Worseand I’m just not feeling it.
Haven hasn’t replied to this one; no one has, probably because they haven’t had a chance to. I have a very tight window during which I can send a quick reply before Haven does. She’s not currently online, but I have noticed that sometimes she replies even when it doesn’t seem like she’s here. I wonder if she’s turned on some kind of privacy setting so people can’t tell when she’s online. I wonder if it’s because of me. I consider what to say before I begin typing, and even then, I delete and rewrite my message many times over.
Fern:My editor mentioned a possible title change, but she hasn’t sent any actual suggestions yet. It’s stressful, isn’t it! But I really loveFor Better or worse, it’s so ominous and catchy! I already know from the title that it’s going to be a super suspenseful thriller!
There, that’s a good response, right? I empathized with her, acknowledged her feelings, and ended on a positive note. And honestly? Her original title sucks.You’re Mine for Good? It’s too on the nose.
I smile when I see the words “Jenna is typing ...” at the bottom of the chat window. Jenna really does have my back.
Jenna:Agree with Fern,For Better or Worseis an awesome title! I bet the change in titles can feel really jarring at first, but I looove the new title!
Lisa:Yeah, it’s a super intriguing title for sure! It’s so disturbing in the best way, like I seriously would pick up the book just based on the title alone
I nearly cheer in my seat. Is this what it’s like to have an actual supportive group of friends? Friends who care and have your back? It feels like drinking pure honey, every part of my body coming to life. Iluxuriate in the glow of it like a cat stretching in the sun. God, it feels so good, and I have waited so long to have this. I smile when I see that Kristin, the OP, is typing a reply. I bet she’s going to thank us for making her realize that the new title is a better one.
Kristin:It’s not a suspense. It’s a romance novel.
Oh.
Okay, so maybe she’s not about to thank us. I scramble to the private chat with Lisa and Jenna and type: “OMGIt is not a Suspense Novel.”
