Back in middle school, I’d tried confiding in Dani about Haven picking on me. Dani had wrinkled her nose at me and said, “Haven? Picking on you? Are you sure?” And that had been that. I never told anybody else. If even my friend didn’t believe me, who would?
But things are different now, I remind myself. I’m an adult, and so are Lisa and Jenna, and chances are, neither of them knows Haven inperson, so they wouldn’t be exposed to that irresistible Haven charm. They’ll have my back. I lace my fingers together and grip so tightly that my knuckles stick out. They have to have my back. They have to.
My phone beeps with a new email, and I grab it as fast as a striking snake.
Jenna:What?! Omg! No way. That’sAwful! I’m so sorry to hear that, Fern.
As I read, a bubble pops up with the words1 New Message.
Lisa:WTF, what are the chances?? Shit, I hate this for you. Is she joining our debut group??
My tensed muscles melt, and I utter a choked sob-laugh. See, they do have my back. They are truly my friends. I feel like a little kid once more, wanting to run home and shout “Mom, Dad, I made new friends!” Sniffling, I straighten up and write a reply.
Fern:She isssss . I know, it is so weird you guys and I have been freaking out about it. This girl made my middle and high school years just about the worst time of my life. She spread ugly rumors about me, when no one was looking she’d shove me and tell me to stay away etc. I had no friends because of her. No one wanted to go against her.
Jenna:Uggghhh, this is the worst. I’m sorry you went through that. Is there anything we can do? Can we talk to the mods and tell them not to let her into the debut group??
My mouth goes dry at the thought of talking to the mods.
Fern:What would we even say to the mods, though? I don’t think the fact that she bullied me back in middle and high school is a valid reason to keep her out of the debut group ... I mean, for me it is, but the mods will see it differently. And it’s so long ago, ten years ago now. They’re not going to keep her out because of that.
Lisa:Yeah, I hate to say it, but I don’t think the mods will keep her out. Even if they wanted to, I don’t think they would. I’m sure they’d empathize with you, but she sounds so cunning, if they were to refuse to let her in, she’ll surely ask why, and then who knows what they’ll tell her?
Fern:Oh god, yeah. I didn’t even think of that. I don’t want her to know that she didn’t get into the debut group because of me. I have no idea what she might do.
Lisa:I had a bully in high school too. I know how these people work. They’re always studying the crowd like a predator, and just like a predator, they know to pick on the weakest members of the group. Not saying you’re weak, Fern, but she must have seen something in you that left you vulnerable. My guess would be the fact that you’re such a sweet, generous person. Like how you’re always baking for your neighbors and that awful boss of yours, even now. She must’ve sensed that. Ugh, this bitch. Who is she? I bet her book sucks.
Lisa’s email makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I feel so seen by her words. With just one email, Lisa has hit the nail on the head and homed in on the reason Haven picked on me.
Fern:Her name is Haven Lee and I saw that her book got a seven-figure deal, so I doubt it sucks, actually. I bet it’s really good.
Jenna:OMG!!!No Way!! I saw her announcement on Twitter today and I congratulated her!! ARGH,Gross!
Lisa:Oh man, I saw it too and I also congratulated her. I’m sorry Fern, I had no idea she’s your high school bully. Man, this is the worst. Why do good things happen to bad people?
Why indeed. If there was any justice in this world, Haven Lee would’ve been outed as the cruel villain she truly is a long time ago. But that kind of poetic justice, while it makes for a great ending to a movie, rarely happens in real life. The Haven Lees of the world will continue strutting confidently into a future so bright it blinds the rest of us, while the Ferns of the world will be left behind to pick up the broken pieces of themselves.
Fern:Yeah, it really sucks. I didn’t even know she was into writing. She never once showed any interest in it back at school. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is I have you guys. It means the world to me to be able to open up to you. I love our little club. It’s my safe space.
Jenna:Awww Fern!! Of course! It’s my safe space too. I’m soooo glad I found you guys too. The debutgroup is getting too big and overwhelming anyway. Every week there are like ten new people joining and so many new posts I can barely keep up. And now we’re about to switch over to Slack??
Wait, what? Switch to Slack? I’ve heard of Slack a couple of times here and there, and it sounds like the dumbest thing. Why do we need yet another messaging app?
Fern:Ugh, do we have to switch over to Slack? God I hate having to get used to yet another different app.
Lisa:Actually, my workplace uses Slack and it’s pretty cool. You’ll love it. We’ll be able to chat in real time!
Aren’t we already chatting in real time? I whine to myself. But I would never say that to them. That’s something that old Fern would say. Old, pathetic Fern who let herself shrink smaller and smaller to stay out of Haven’s growing light. But I am grown up now, and I refuse to be left behind in the dark again. If the group is switching over from Facebook to Slack, then I am going with them. In fact, I’m going to download Slack right freaking now and familiarize myself with it so I won’t be lost once we make the move. How’s that for proactive?
Speaking of proactive, I need to get ahead of Haven. She’s caught me off guard with her stupid book announcement, and I can’t let anything like that happen again. My inner Aliyah says, “Are you letting Haven live rent-free inside your head again?” No, I am not. There is a difference between obsessing over her without an aim and therefore with no end in sight, and obsessing about her to watch my back. Whether I like it or not, Haven Lee is back in my life, but this time, I am not going to let her ruin me.
Chapter 10
There are a few people who voted against moving to Slack, but they were by far the minority, and by the next day, there is a new post pinned to the top of the Facebook group with a link to the Slack group. The move comes at the perfect time; Haven has just joined the Facebook group the night before and made an introductory post.
Hi everyone! I can’t believe I’m in a debut group, oh my gosh! How cool is this? I am so intimidated by all of y’all! My name is Haven and my book title is She Asked for It. It’s about a woman who defies all odds to stand up for herself and was inspired by the #MeToo movement. I can’t wait for 2020 to get here!
I read her introductory post with a scowl on my face. To everyone else, it’ll come off as a perfectly nice message, but I know better. This is Fake Nice Haven. Haven who is trying to fit in. Why is she sayingy’all? She’s not Texan, she’s—
