“Sorry for what? Sorry because you have made your choice and it is not me? It is not over.”
“I wish I did not have to choose.” I’ve never spoken those words aloud to anyone. As soon as they’re out of my mouth, I hate how selfish they sound. How entitled.
“Because you need the water I can give to Vathira, but you do not want me? Is that it? Well lucky for you I am stubborn. When you realize the choice you need to make, I’ll still be here. And then you will realize I have been the better choice all along and always will be.”
Before I can reply, he spreads his wings with a growl and takes off.
“Soon we will crest the ridge where you can see into Tarquenor. You will see my brother’s dam and see the extent of what a Tarquenorian alliance can give you. And then you will choose me,” he shouts down at me from the air.
He is gone before I can even think of what to say, let alone untangle my feelings. Frustration, indignation, and alarm all swirl around a large immovable boulder of guilt lodged deep within my belly. Beneath all his bluster and posturing, I think Aurelion was genuinely hurt and that pains me. I hate that he istrying to force my hand in choosing him. But most of all I hate that I’m going to end up hurting someone whether I like it or not. I did not think of that when I created the competition.
How stupid I was not to consider that this would impact Kaelun and Aurelion just as it will impact me. And now Jah’ruud is involved as well.
I feel terrible.
Unable to return to the tent, I watch Aurelion until he disappears into a tiny spec in the dark sky. Then I find a rock and sit, tucking my knees up to my chest and hugging them. I should have been more careful. I’ve done nothing but think about myself and allow myself to wallow in self-indulgent complaints since my father died. That isn’t the woman he raised me to be.
If he was here, he would have told me to snap out of it long ago.
I wish I didn’t have to choose between Aurelion and Kaelun and Jah’ruud, but that’s just it—wishful thinking. That is not going to help my people, and it is not going to help me or any of the men I’ve come to care about be happy.
How do I resolve this without causing more harm than I have already?
I have no answer to this question.
I sit for a long time in the dark until a gentle breeze brushes lightly over my cheek and makes me lift my head to look around.
Jah’ruud appears beside me silently. “Are you alright?”
I wipe away an errant tear. “I don’t know. I think I’ve made a mess of everything.”
“You care for him.” It is not a question. Nor is it said with any resentment. It is simply a statement of fact.
I nod anyway. “Do you think it strange?”
He laughs softly. “Well you clearly care for Kaelun also, and he is almost as insufferable.”
“I heard that!” An indignant Kaelun appears out of the shadows that surround me.
“I meant for you to hear it.”
Kaelun only scoffs. “Bah, you don’t mean it.” Then he grows serious, coming to kneel before me and take my hands in his. “You know we only want to make you happy. We would do anything.”
It’s dark and the shadows gather around Kaelun, clinging to him like lovers. I can’t make out his face properly, and my heart stutters around in my chest as the question rises in me.
Before I can speak it, Jah’ruud stands, looking toward the sky. “He is coming back. And fast. Will he attack?”
Kaelun and I stand, following the direction of his gaze to see the black spec in the distance quickly growing into a ferocious looking Aurelion.
“I don’t think so. He only said he would wait. He said I would come around to him in the end.”
“I think he’s changed his tune,” says Kaelun, dropping into a fighting stance.
Everything in me screams that it isn’t true. Aurelion is hot-headed and arrogant, but he wouldn’t attack the others, and he wouldn’t attack me.
Would he?
He dives toward us, and my heart dives too. Air pressure changes as Jah’ruud gathers power to himself and Kaelun steps closer.
