“What was that?” the waitress asks.
“Nothing. Just talking to myself. First sign of sanity.”
“I thought that was the first sign of insanity?”
“That too. It’s a fine line. I’m straddling it.”
I pay and head outside, stepping into the afternoon heat that feels oppressive and unnecessary. Like my current emotional state when I return back home.
My phone buzzes.
Jesse: Madison’s lying about us being together.
I type back before I can stop myself.
Me: I know.
Jesse: How?
Me: She texted. Claimed girl code. I asked if you knew about your relationship. She said it’s complicated.
Jesse: It’s not complicated. It’s nonexistent. She’s delusional.
Me: Everyone knows that but her. Poor girl.
Jesse: Ok. Wanted to make sure you knew what was really up.
Me: What do you want me to say, Jesse?
Jesse: That you miss us.
I stare at the screen. Type “I do” then delete it. Type “That wouldn’t change anything” then delete that too. Type “I was watching you with binoculars” and definitely delete that.
Finally I respond.
Me: Doesn’t matter what I miss.
Jesse: It does to us.
Me: Why?
Jesse: Because we’re miserable.
Me: Good.
Jesse: Good?
Me: No. Not good. I don’t know. Stop texting me. I’m trying to move on.
Jesse: Are you though?
Me: Yes. I’ve moved on. So much. I’m practically in another state. Emotionally.
Jesse: You watched us from the ridge.
Me: Fuck, Boone told you?
Jesse: He saw the sun reflecting off the binocular lenses.
