“It will. Tell me what we do, did you take a test?”
She shakes her head no.
“Well, then quit working yourself up. You don’t even know.”I slide back into the driver’s seat and get back onto the road. Looks like we’re taking a little trip to the mini mart in town.
As calm and patient as I may sound, my mind is racing. My parents would be furious. Her parents, oh God, they would kill me. Her dad’s a drill sergeant for crying out loud. Forget being a dad, I’m going to be dead before I get the chance.
Endofflashback
“I won’t get pregnant. I’m on the pill,” Ella tells me but I’m still hesitant. Don’t women get pregnant all the time even if they do take the right precautions?
“Is it a good one? Like, does it work?”
She snorts. “Does it work? I mean … yeah, babe, it’s worked the last few years I’ve been on it. Unless there’s some love child out there I didn’t know I birthed?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, it works. Relax.”
“I’m relaxed.”
“You’re not.”
“I just don’t know what I was thinking last night. About any of it.” I say.
“Yeah … well, me either. I’ll tell you one thing, I am not reckless about it anymore. I can promise you that.”
“It’s just, you didn’t mention it last night.”
“Well, I knew I was covered so …”
“But you weren’t concerned that I wasn’t concerned?”
“Jesse, you weren’t ever concerned.” She laughs.
“And I’m an adult now. A responsible, grown man.”
“I know.”
I huff a stressful breath and start my truck.
“You said we can move past this. Can we just do that?Please?”
I look to her, her eyes full of emotion. I don’t like to see that. It wrecks me—I absolutely hate to see women cry.
Reaching for her hand before I start driving, I murmur, “Don’t do that,” and start down the road.
Neither of us says anything until I pull off along a back road a few minutes later. A back road nobody from my family will be driving by. It’s the opposite direction of the house.
Putting my truck in park, I turn down the heat so it’s not so loud. I turn toward her, and she does the same. Grabbing my other hand, she holds onto it like it’s the only thing she has. I glance up at her eyes; they aren’t filled with tears anymore thankfully. Rubbing my thumb over her knuckles softly, I close my eyes and collect my thoughts.
“God,” I begin. Ella’s hand squeezes mine. “We messed up. We let our feelings lead us instead of you in a moment of weakness and we’re sorry. We want to do better, honor you in all we do. We ask that you forgive us and give us the strength to follow your path.” I open my eyes and look to Ella. Hers are still shut.
“You wanna say anything?” I mutter, but she shakes her head no.
I finish the prayer, my voice a little shaky but sure. I couldn’t tell you the last time I needed to repent. I know it’s the right thing to do, always. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s a pretty vulnerable thing, especially with another person sitting here with you joining in.
I watch Ella’s eyes open. They’re red and wet again. She shakes her head, feeling the weight of it all. Her emotions start to wear off onto me. I can’t handle seeing her so upset. Tears start to burn in the back of my eyes with the desire toescape.
