“I just don’t even know what to say or how to go about it.” Isigh.
He sits up, elbows on his knees. “I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do,” he starts. “You’re gonna drive your ass over there, look her in the eye, and apologize for being a jackass.” He points a finger at my chest. “That’s what you’re gonna do.”
I laugh under my breath. Of course that’s his advice. I shouldn’t be surprised. My dad’s the guy who’d crawl over broken glass to make things right with my mom. He always apologizes first, not because he’s necessarily always wrong, but because he can’t stand fighting with her.
“Yeah, alright.” I stand to leave, already plotting what I’ll say to Ella.
“Don’t fight her; fightforher and don’t leave until it’s figured out,” Dad says without a hint of hesitation.
I head out to my truck and check the time: 9 p.m. and it’s a forty-five-minute drive to her place. Knowing she works tomorrow, I just can’t shake the thought of keeping her up. But it’s better than lying awake all night, replaying this argument in my head. I already know I wouldn’t be able to sleep.
* * *
The lights are all off in her apartment, except the bedroom; I see it peeking around the edges of the curtain. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I lift my hand and knock. As soon as I do, I realize maybe I should’ve warned her it was me. I don’t want to scare her.
As I reach for my phone in my pocket, the door unlocks and she opens it. She stands there, sniffling, eyes red and puffy, hair a tangled mess piled into a bun. A blanket is wrapped around her shoulders like it’s the only thing she has to comforther. Just seeing her falling apart like this breaks me; my chest feels like it’s caving in.
Without saying a word, I step inside and pull her into my chest.
“Come here,” I murmur, my arms wrapping around her. She buries her face against me, her tears soaking into my shirt, her breathing shaky against me.
I can’t remember the last time I felt this close to breaking down myself. Maybe when one of our dogs died a few years ago, but before that? Hell, probably when we broke up.
I press my cheek against the top of her head, letting out a slow breath I was holding.
“Ella, I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m usually calm and level-headed … but I wasn’t tonight. I don’t know why, but I was a jerk. You didn’t deserve that.”
She sniffles. “No, I didn’t like that.”
“I know you didn’t, baby.” I rub my hands up and down her back in a slow, comforting manner.
Her breath hitches, and she pulls back just enough to look at me with her glassy eyes. “I get why you were mad, I do” —her voice cracks—“but I was going to tell you. I was just scared … waiting for a better time. I didn’t know how you’d take it.”
“I know. It’s okay, babe.” I rest my hands on her hips. “The important thing is it’s all out in the open. That’s what matters, right? We can move forward from here.”
I hold my breath, watching her eyes flicker as she says, “I just need some time to adjust. Things between us feel like they just picked up where we left off, and I just need to breathe a little bit.”
“That’s completely okay. I told you I was yours and I still stand by that. I love you, so when you’re ready, I’llbe here,” I confess.
I watch her eyes soften, the corners of her mouth lifting upwards in a smile.
“Promise? You won’t rush me?”
I shake my head, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ve waited ten years already, Ella Kate. I’ve got all the time in the world for you.”
She smiles as I wipe away the single tear that still rests on her cheek. “We should probably talk more about all this. If you’re up for it?”
She turns around and I follow her to the couch, sitting on the opposite end. She lays the blanket that was around her over her legs and tucks her feet under herself.
“So. I’ll go first, lay it all out here.” I clear my throat and sit up. Resting my elbow on my knees, I hold my hands together before I look back at her. “I ended things with Lexie because we had different views on intimacy. She wanted to have sex, I didn’t. It was a recurring argument and it just …” I shake my head. “ It was exhausting. Having to explain myself every other night.”
Ella’s green eyes dim. “That’s hard.”
“Yeah. I just … knowing what I know, after being with you, I didn’t want to make the relationship revolve around it. I didn’t want that soul tie to affect my judgment when it came down to how I felt about her.”
“Right.” She tucks her hair behind her ear and looks away. She hates this, but I can tell there’s something she wants to say. “Whatever it is, just say it,” I tell her.
Her body stiffens. She laces her fingers together and presses them into her lap before she speaks. “Tim, my ex, and I … lived together. For over a year.”
