Her brows raise, her face brushed with confusion. “He’s so good to you. How can you even say that?”
“It’s not about how it looks on the outside,” I snap, my patience wearing thin. “It’s about how I feel. And I don’t feel it with him. I don’t think I ever truly have.”
“Well, geez, you could’ve figured that out before you said yes,” she shoots back.
“But I didn’t,” I snap, louder than I intended. “He had that whole engagement planned, thirty people watching us! What was I supposed to do? Embarrass him in front of them all?”
“You could’ve found a time to tell him in the last three months!” she fires back, eyes blazing. “Three whole months, and you couldn’t find the time to pull him aside and be honest with him?”
My jaw clenches. “It’s not the easiest, most fun conversation to have, Mom! Are you really going to be mad at me for this? Why would you want me to marry someone I’m not in love with?”
“We don’t, but you could’ve had the decency to tell him the moment you started to have doubts. Now he’s scarred for life.”
“How do you thinkIfeel, Mom?” My voice cracks, and I can feel the tears threatening to spill over. “You think Iwantedto do this? To hurt him? Do you think this is fun for me?”
“Well, you did it,” she says, folding her arms tighter across her chest.
“Mom, I’m an adult!” I yell, throwing my hands up. “I’m twenty-eight years old, and you’re treating me like I’m fifteen!”
“Because this is how a child would go about it.” Her eyes are cold.
I have nothing else to say; this conversation is going nowhere. I feel my chest ache. The ache that comes when you want to defend yourself but don’t have the strength. I blink away the tears, jaw tight, and glance at my dad, hoping for something from him. Some kind of lifeline. But he just stands there, shaking his head with a look that says he agrees with her.
Endofflashback
I’ve never felt so small or invisible. And that was just the beginning. The flood of opinions from family and friends came crashing in—loud, relentless, and anything but helpful.
I blink hard, trying to push the brimming tears away, but they come anyway. There’s a part of me that wishes I’d handled things differently, that I’d been brave enough to tell him sooner. But at least it’s out now. At least it didn’t come years down the road after we were married.
I think back to the fight with Jesse that’s still fresh in my memory. How it all played out. While I’m relieved it’s finally out there, I wish I would’ve told him sooner. I hate that I made him mad, absolutely hate it. I care about him so much. The last thing I want is to lose him over this. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Although I’m not ready to say I love himyet, I can feel it growing back, slow and steady. As silly as it sounds, it scares me. It scares me to let these walls down and let someone in who broke me before. I’m sure it’s scary for him too. We both hurt each other, after all. I know I have to trust that if things are meant to be, they won’t fall apart. That they’ll fall into place.
Chapter 16
Jesse
I head toward the living room of the big house where Dad’s settled in his chair, the soft glow of the side table lamp casting over him. He’s got a book in hand, probably something about a war hero or some ex-Navy SEAL memoir. Mom’s likely already in bed, but Dad’s a night owl. That’s the only reason I came this late.
He exhales a heavy sigh when he sees me. “Oh boy,” he mutters.
Setting his book aside, he shifts in the recliner. I drop onto the couch across from him, my hand rubbing the back of my neck.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admit, glancing up at him. “Ella and I … we got into it tonight.”
He raises a brow. “You two break up?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“You don’tthinkso?”
“She didn’t say she was done with me or anything. She just … left.”
“Well, that’s not exactly helpful,” he points out.
“No, it’s not.”
“So, what’d you say?”
“Me? Who said it was my fault?” I get defensive.
