I can tell my words hurt him; he looks at me with sorrowin his blue eyes. “I’m sorry. I am. Losing you was hell. There were so many nights I just hated myself for ending things. I missed you. I wanted to talk to you and I couldn’t.”
Now I’m just bawling my eyes out. Opening this wound up again might be the most painful thing I’ve ever done. I never stopped thinking about Jesse in all these years. I always still cared for him and wondered where life took him. It makes me so happy to see he’s right where he always thought he’d be. Minus the dreams of marrying me, having babies, and growing old together, he’s got his dream job. Being an outfitter, taking over the family business.
Jesse slides across the bench seat. I feel his arm wrap around my neck and he pulls me in.
“Come here,” he says gently.
My shaking body starts to calm down the second it hits his chest. He rests his head against mine and I feel his fingers tracing circles on my shoulder. Neither one of us speaks; this hug speaks for itself. His arms wrapped around me make me feel overwhelmingly safe and comfortable. Just like they always did.
“We both made mistakes, and I don’t care how long it takes us to forgive each other. I’m not letting you walk away again.”
I meet his gaze. His blue eyes are glassy and searching for approval. He brings his other hand up and traces his finger along the edge of my face, tucking my hair back behind my ear.
“I’m still yours, baby,” he whispers and presses his lips against mine.
His hand sweeps back along my cheek and into my hair. My heart races and butterflies swarm in my stomach.
He pulls back. “Is this okay?” he asks.
His breathing is quick and unsteady, just like mine. He swallows while he waits for me to answer. Unable to form words, I just nod my head and let him kiss me again.
The kiss deepens quickly. His other hand presses on the middle of my back to bring our bodies closer, closing the small space that was between us. I feel his heart beating fast, insanely fast. His mouth moves against mine with a tenderness that I melt into. It all feels so right, the same as it always did.
I want to forget everything. Forget the mess I left behind in Texas, the reason I came back. Forget the things I’m not ready to talk about. I just want to bask in this. The connection between us, the way his hands feel on my skin. The way he holds me, like I’m the only thing that matters. He’s always made it so easy to get lost in the world around us.
Chapter 9
Jesse
I’m on my way to Ella’s apartment; it’ll be my first time there. She lives in the city, forty-five minutes away from Bellamy. It has its perks, like flower shops. I stopped and got her a bouquet on my way over. Come to think of it, I haven’t bought flowers for a girlfriend since her. I buy my mom flowers for Mother’s Day and her birthday. I’ve gotten them for Addison already on her birthday. I never got Lexie flowers. She didn’t seem like the type that would appreciate them.
I haven’t seen Ella since I kissed her. It’s all I’ve been thinking about. The desire to do it again is overwhelming. Just goes to show, nothing has changed—she still drives me just as crazy as she did when we were eighteen. In fact, that kiss felt exactly like it did the first time I ever kissed her. It held the same weight, the same rush, that same feeling of something new and exciting.
Twelve years ago
I finally found the courage to hold Ella’s hand as we walkdown to the creek. My brothers and I used to have a lot of fun here when we were younger. It’s a little steep to get down to it, and although she’s wearing boots, I don’t want her to fall.
I go first and then help her down, admiring how soft her hands are. I’ve never held a girl’s hand before. I wonder if they’re all this soft and delicate.
She slips slightly on the last rock, but I’m there to steady her. She laughs it off.
“Me and my brothers used to have rock fights down here.”
“Rock fights?”
“Yeah.”
“Doesn’t that hurt?”
“Yeah, that’s what makes it fun. Tryingnotto get hurt,” I explain, but her face says I’m not making much sense. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna throw rocks at you.”
She smiles cheekily and my eyes can’t get past her lips. I’ve wanted to kiss her for weeks but wasn’t going to do it at school.
With her hand still in mine, I gently pull her closer to me. Leaning in, I glance at her eyes first, giving her one last chance to bail. When she leans in to meet me halfway, I commit. My stomach stirs with something I’ve never felt and the rest of my body overheats. Her lips on mine are soft, just like her hands.
When I feel her touch my back with her hand, the heat in me escalates. It scares me a little; honestly, it’s overwhelming. I pull away slowly, not wanting her to think anything’s wrong.
The corners of her mouth lift in a small smile. “That was nice.”
