Right?
Scooping my newborn up just to feel her tiny body against mine, I snuggle her up on my chest as I walk around the kitchen, all seven pounds, two ounces of her. She has the same light brown hair as Dalton and Penny, and the same dark eyes.
I press my lips to the top of her head, breathing in her baby smell as tears well in my eyes. Pushing my glasses back up the bridge of my nose, I swipe at the wetness on my cheek.
Logan made sure I had him with me. In all of our kids. All three of them have his hair and chocolate brown eyes.
It’s like my genetics didn’t even try.
I snort a laugh and then wince at the slight pull of pain in my midsection. Taking Bea with me, I lower myself slowly into the corner of the couch and prop my feet up. I am happy to announce that I once again have ankles and toes that don’t look like sausages. Small win, but a win just the same. I’ll take it.
I haven’t let myself look at my naked body in the mirror yet, not quite ready for that hit to my self-esteem. My body is just built differently, always has been.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve grown to appreciate everything this body has done for me. It carried and birthed three beautiful, healthy babies. But I’m pretty sure this mom pooch will forever be with me.Yay.
The telltale rumble of a truck engine perks my ears and I slink down on the couch as if that will somehow make me less visible to the man in that truck, like he has x-ray vision and can see through the walls or something. I hear the metallic thunk of his truck door closing, and then the quiet snick of his front door.
It’s quiet for a while, Penny zonked out after her playdate with Hollie, and Dalton is in his bedroom. With Bea asleep on my chest, I almost doze off, but startle awake when a knock sounds on the door.
Pulling myself and Bea to a stand slowly, I make my way to the door and pull it open. Xander is standing on the porch, a bouquet of flowers and a paper sack in his hands. He looks like he just stepped out of a shower, his hair is damp and curling slightly at the ends, and he’s wearing a pair of clean jeans and a t-shirt that looks like it’s seen better days.
He’s gorgeous, of course.
And I’m painfully aware of the fact that I didn’t put any makeup on after my shower earlier and my hair is piled up on the top of my head in the messiest of buns. I’m wearing a loose fittingpair of pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt. My glasses have a smudge on one corner of the lens that I was too tired to worry about.Mom-coutureat its finest. I almost snort another laugh.Yikes.
“There’s the two prettiest girls in Sky Ridge,” he says quietly, his eyes dropping to the baby snuggled against my chest. I blush and roll my eyes. He’s ridiculous.
“Hi, Xander,” I murmur, smoothing my hand over Bea’s back.
“How are you?” he asks, gesturing with his chin to the baby in my arms. “Are you alright? I didn’t do anything to hurt you or the baby, right?”
I smile and shake my head, moving to the side slightly. “We’re both great, thank you. I wouldn’t have known what to do without your help. Would you like to come in?”
He steps inside, closing the door behind him. He follows me into the kitchen and sets the bouquet of flowers down on the counter, along with the white paper bag. “My mom always says the best thing to bring a new mom is a home cooked meal. Best I could do was a deli sandwich from Leo’s. Cal said it’s your favorite.”
“With a pickle spear?” I ask, grinning.
He nods, smiling, too. The corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and a little dimple appears in one cheek, partially hidden beneath his dark beard. My heart flutters just a little, tiny little butterflies that aren’t quite ready to take flight yet.
“Would you like to hold her?”
His eyes bounce between mine and the top of Bea’s head, which is resting beneath my chin, and then he nods. Scooping my tiny baby into my hands, I gently spin her and place her in Xander’s arms. She looks so tiny in comparison to his muscled arms and large hands, and tears prick my eyes again as he leans in close and croons to her quietly.
She won’t know what it’s like to have a dad.
Swiping at the tear that tracks down my cheek quickly, I spin so that I’m facing away from him. I don’t want Xander to see me break down. I need to be strong. For my kids at the very least. If he and Cal think I can’t take care of myself or my kids, they’ll never give me any peace.
“Want to dig into that sandwich while I hold her?” he asks my back, and I nod, moving toward the counter and pulling the thick deli sandwich out of the bag. “Sit down, Teddy. You don’t have to eat standing up.”
Moving the sandwich and the plastic wrapped pickle spear to the other side of the kitchen counter, I pull myself up into one of the barstools. I wince at the tightness in my lower abdomen, and hiss out a breath.
Xander is there in a heartbeat, one of his hands dropping to my back, Bea cradled securely in his other arm. “What is it? Are you hurting?”
“Just a little sore still,” I whisper, embarrassment heating my cheeks as I settle into the chair. My eyes find his, but I drop my gaze quickly, shyly. “I’m fine, I promise. Just moved a little quicker than I should have. I’ll be moving around like normal by this time next week.”
Xander moves back to the other side of the counter so that he’s once again standing in the kitchen, his body swaying slightly as he holds Bea. I dig into the sandwich, moaning at the fluffiness of the fresh bread and deli sauce as it hits my tongue. He chuckles lightly and I blush again. Dammit.
“This is delicious, thank you,” I say. “And your mom is right, this was a great idea.”
