Stepping in front of me, he frames my face with his hands and tips my face up toward his so he can peck light, sipping kisses to my lips. “I’m probably a caveman for saying this, but I very much like the idea of my cum dripping out of you right now.”
I roll my eyes, splaying my hands wide on his still bare chest. He’s pulled his boxer briefs on, but that’s all. He drops his hands to the curve of my ass, squeezing and kneading.
“Go get yourself cleaned up,” he whispers.
I nod, blushing again, then sidestep around him and head out the bedroom door to the bathroom. By the time I’m done and washing my hands, I can hear Bea fussing lightly. I rush out of the bathroom to get to her before she wakes up Penny, but I’mbrought up short when Xander quietly exits Penny’s room and closes the door almost silently. Bea is cradled against his chest. He smiles over at me as I come to stand in front of him, and the sight does something to my heart. Dammit I’m in so much trouble.
“There’s Mama,” he whispers softly to my infant, who has now seen me and is seconds away from full meltdown mode.
I take her quickly, then shrug one shoulder of my robe down. It snags on my arm, so Xander tugs it the rest of the way down until one breast is bare. Settling Bea in the crook of my arm, her little mouth is searching, and Xander surprises me further by reaching out his hand and lifting my breast gently, guiding the nipple to Bea’s waiting mouth. When she latches on, I sigh and he trails his fingertips down Bea’s soft cheek almost reverently. The look of pure adoration on his face is nearly my undoing. I’m so screwed.
“Are you going to be okay while I’m gone?” he asks quietly, raising that hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I rest my cheek in his palm and nod. “I’ve never not wanted to go out for a fire call, Teddy. You’re making this really fucking difficult.”
My heart sinks again and I close my eyes as he strokes my cheek with his thumb. I don’t know what we’re doing. How either of us are going to make this work seems impossible to me. I’m trying not to sink into a panic attack at the thought of him leaving. Scottie is right, asking him to give up something that makes him happy, something that he loves, simply because I’m a coward, isn’t fair.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, opening my eyes and raising them to his.
“Don’t apologize,” he murmurs, ducking his head to kiss me. “It just means that I’m going to do everything in my power to get back here as quickly as I can. Because now I’ve got you here waiting for me.”
“So,” Cal huffs from several feet away, straightening and leaning against his Pulaski, “is this thing with you and Teddy like anactual thing?”
Glancing over at him from where I’m hunched over digging my way through our line, I mutter, “Is this really what we need to talk about right now?”
We’re in the thick of Mount Defiance near the south trailhead. A couple of novice adventure hikers had let a campfire get out of hand, spreading to the nearby forest. Lucky for us, it’s a fairly small blaze, and we should be done in a couple days. It’s another easy job.
That doesn’t mean I necessarily want to be having this conversation with my best friend, though.
Opp, Caleb, Sam, and a few others are all further down the trail, about fifty feet away. I glance over at them, though none of them seem to be paying us any attention.
“I’m just watching out for my sister,” Cal says, his tone clipped and terse. “She’s not like the women you’re used to?—”
“Christ, Cal,” I snap, straightening and leaning againstmy Pulaski, too. I stare over at him. “And what kind of women am I used to?”
Cal’s lips thin. He swipes his safety glasses off and scrubs at his face, leaving a trail of soot and dirt down both sides of his face. “I just mean she’s not the love-em-and-leave-em type.”
I bark out a harsh laugh, shaking my head. “You think I don’t know that?”
“I just know how you are with women?—”
“You know how Iwaswith women,” I correct, turning back to my line and picking up my ax.
He snorts. “You’ve always been so goddamn vocal about not dating beyond hookups and casual flings. Forgive me if I’m concerned because—I can only assume you’re now fucking my sister—and let’s be fucking real here for a second, Sup. She’s not really your type.”
I point one finger at him, my eyes narrowing behind my own safety glasses. “I highly suggest you think real hard about the next words that come out of your mouth, Cal. Your sister is beautiful.”
“I never said she isn’t,” he snaps, tossing his ax to the ground and bracing his feet wide on the rocky terrain we’re standing on. I sigh. God dammit, I really don’t want to fight this motherfucker. Opp stops digging and straightens, turning to face us. Fuck, now we’ve got an audience, though I’m not sure any of them can hear what we’re saying. “But you can’t pretend that you haven’t had a ‘type’ for the years that I’ve known you. And Teddy isn’t it.”
My blood is boiling beneath my skin and I straighten again, tossing my own ax to the ground as I spread my arms wide. “What do you want me to say, Cal? Huh? I chose women that were the opposite of her on purpose. Because then there was no fucking confusing them for who I really wanted. I’ve been crazy about your sister for years, man.But she was married. Married tothe perfect fucking husband that gave her three incredible kids that I’m just as crazy about. And then he died and I know I’m not worthy of her, dammit. I’m not worthy of those kids.” Blowing out a heavy exhale, I drop my arms. “I convinced myself that I didn’t want a relationship because of this job, because of the way my parents’ marriage failed. Because it was easier finding women that were nothing like what I wanted than having to admit to myself that I was in love with another man’s wife.”
I suck in a sharp breath at what I’d just admitted out loud for the first time. Cal’s dark brows shoot up, his face going blank as we stare at each other.
“You’re in love with Teddy?”
I exhale sharply, bending low to swipe my Pulaski off the ground, keeping my eyes averted. “Yeah.”
“Does she know that?” he asks, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. I can just see him out of the corner of my eye, hear the crunch of loose rocks beneath his booted feet as he moves.
I shake my head. “No. She’s… she’s not ready to hear that yet.”
