“Thanksh for driving,” I hear myself say, then lick my parched lips.
“No problem, you idiot,” he mutters again, leading me toward my front door. It’s dark. My house is dark and I don’t want to go inside because it’s fucking empty and lonely as fuck.
I want to go into Teddy’s.
I want to see her, see that sunshine that just pours out of her when she smiles. I want to hold her. Fuck, I miss her. And I have no right to. I drop my head until my chin nearly touches my chest.
“Oh my god, is he okay?”
My head snaps up at the sound of her voice. She’s turned her porch light on and is standing in the halo of light as it spills out onto the walkway in front of her duplex. She’s barefoot—why is this woman always fucking barefoot? Doesn’t she know how dangerous it is out here at night with no fucking shoes on—and she’s wearing that damn robe again. She’s got it clutched closed over herself, her arms wrapped around that curvy body that’s haunted my every fucking waking thought and dream at night. Her golden blonde hair is piled high on her head in an adorably messy topknot, tendrils framing that face that I’ve missed so fucking much.
“Yeah, he’s okay,” Cal chuckles then, continuing to lead me toward my front door. I don’t want to go, and I stop my feet from moving just so I can continue to stare at her for a little longer. “He’s going to feel like hell in the morning, though.”
“Is he drunk?” she asks, taking a step toward us. They’re talking about me like I’m not right fucking here, like I can’t hear them.
“Oh yeah,” Cal laughs then, squeezing me around the ribcage to try and get me moving again. “He’s fucking hammered.”
But I keep my feet planted, eyes on Teddy as she moves closer, stepping out of the light filtering from her door into the shadows that we currently stand in. She tilts her head sideways slightly, as if assessing me, and then steps to my other side and slides her arm around my waist, too.
And suddenly I’m home.
I let my head tilt down to rest against the top of hers, and I feel her deep inhale against my side.
“Come on, let’s keep moving,” Cal mumbles, getting me moving again. “Keys?”
“Left pocket,” I whisper between dry lips. Cal digs into my pocket, producing my keyring that has my truck key and the key to my house. He gets the door unlocked and then we’re movinginside the dark entryway. Teddy flips a light switch and the living room lights up, highlighting the hallway, too.
“I can get him down the hall,” Cal says over me to Teddy, who nods and lets her arm fall away from my back.
I can’t help it; I reach back with my other hand for hers. I breathe easier once her fingers slide between mine, twining and squeezing, and she follows us down the hallway to my bedroom. God I wish I wasn’t so drunk right now. I have so much I want to say to her. So much I want to apologize for. Tell her how I’m an idiot and I didn’t mean what I said. That I don’t care about any of it. I want her. I want her in whatever way I can have her, and her kids. But it’s like my brain and my mouth have stopped all communications through my neural system and my mouth stays resolutely shut.
“You’re going to need to change these sheets tomorrow since you haven’t showered yet,” Cal grumbles as we make it to my room. He deposits me on the bed, reaching over to flip on the small, dim lamp that sits beside my bed. I have a moment of panic as Teddy sees my room, my bed, for the first time. The light is dim, casting a low ring of light across the floor and onto the bed. I don’t have much and I’m kind of a neat freak, so my room is clean and my bed is made, even if there’s a fine layer of dust across most surfaces from neglect. “And I’mnotgetting you in the shower.”
“Ish fine,” I manage to mumble, sinking onto the edge of the bed. My eyes find Teddy’s face again. She’s so damn beautiful it hurts.
Cal drops to his knees and unlaces my boots, pulling them off one by one and tossing them aside. I realize I should be embarrassed at having Teddy see me like this, but my brain can’t seem to focus on anything other than the fact that she’s here. Watching me.
She disappears out the door with a quiet, “I’ll be right back,” and Cal nods to her over his shoulder.
“Pants on or off?” he asks.
“Off.”
I manage to help get my nomex pants down my legs and wrestle my black undershirt off over my head, tossing both into the corner where my clothes hamper is at. I miss, but I don’t care, because then Teddy is back with a tall glass of water and a couple of Tylenol cupped in her palm.
I’m sitting on the edge of the bed in nothing but my boxer briefs, but her eyes don’t leave mine as she steps forward, holding out her hand. I cup my palm and she drops the capsules into it, then hands me the glass. I swallow down the capsules and drink half the glass of water in one long swallow.
“If your drunk ass is good now, I’m going to go home to my woman,” Cal mutters from the doorway. I nod, and he slaps the doorjamb lightly. “You’re lucky I love you, man.” His gaze slices to his sister, who still has her back to him. “Ted, do you want me to walk you back?”
She glances at him over her shoulder, and I watch, mesmerized, as a small smile pulls at one corner of her mouth. “I’ll be okay. Thank you, Cal.”
Cal stares at her for a long moment, then turns his eyes to me. His face is mostly blank, but I don’t miss the tightness of his mouth or the concern that darkens his eyes. Then he sighs, nods, and lumbers out of the room, leaving us alone together. My brain still isn’t functioning at full capacity and I’m unable to articulate anything coherent as she turns back to face me. Instead, I just reach out my hand and wrap my fingers around the belt of her robe that’s tied at her waist, pulling her slowly toward me.
She doesn’t fight it, just steps closer until she’s standing between my spread knees. Just like we were a week ago, before I fucked everything up.
My hands are still dirty and soot stained, my fingernails need a deep scrubbing, and the sight of my fingers wrapped around the clean softness of the belt isn’t lost on me. I let my head dropforward until my forehead is resting against her sternum and let my eyes close as I breathe her in.
She takes the water glass out of my hand and sets it down on the bedside table before sliding her arms around my head. I breathe out, swallowing hard around the emotion that clogs my throat at having her so close. I drop my hold on the belt of her robe and slide my hands over her hips, down the outside of her thighs. And then I’m curling both arms around her hips, holding her to me like she’s my own personal lifeline. When I feel the press of her cheek against the top of my head, I take a shuddering breath in.
