“Hope, please—”
“Caterpillar,” she whispered, her voice breaking on the word, and he watched as her lower lip wobbled precariously. A tear slid down her cheek, followed quickly by another, and he froze.
She was safe wording him. His chest caved in and the realization of just how much damage his actions in the office had done truly sank in.
“Please, Grant. Leave me alone,” she begged, raising her eyes to his finally. The tears that rimmed her eyes gutted him. Her next words stilled his heart. Van had been right. “I can’t—I can’t do this, Grant. Whatever that was… I can’t do it again. I’llbe leaving as soon as I can figure out where I’m going next. I already said good-bye to Van… I told you I couldn’t choose, and I won’t. And I won’t make you two choose, either. You two are best friends, it should stay that way. I’m sorry I ruined everything—”
“Stop it,” he ground out, his voice low and ragged. She stuttered to a stop and more tears slid down her cheeks as she stared up at him. He softened his voice, pleading gently, “You didn’t ruin anything, Hope.Iruined this.I’mthe one to blame, not you. I fucked everything up becauseIwas a coward, baby girl.” She didn’t fight when he gently pushed the door open further and didn’t stop him when he cupped her face in his hands. She looked so tiny in comparison to his size, so fragile and precious. His thumbs slid over her cheeks, swiping the tears away as her lower lip wobbled. Her breathing was erratic through slightly parted lips, and he knew she was moments away from crying in earnest. “I am so sorry, Hope,” he whispered, leaning close so that he could look directly into her eyes as he spoke. “I was unfairly cruel and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, baby girl. I know I don’t. I will get on my knees and grovel every day for the rest of my days if that’s what it takes to convince you to stay.”
“Grant.” He was so close now he could feel her breath on his lips as she whimpered so softly it cut him to his core. “Don’t…don’t hurt me. Please. I couldn’t survive it…”
“Oh, Hope. I’m sorry. I promise I will never hurt you, never again,” he whispered brokenly. It killed him. He’d hurt her deeply, and it was going to take a lot of work to get her to trust him again. “Let me make it right, baby girl.”
He used his foot to close the door behind him, and then he kissed her. Softly. Sweetly. Like he should have the first moment he’d seen her in the restaurant. Pouring all the tenderness he could muster into the kiss, he gathered her into his arms gently until she was as close to him as he could get her. He sighed whenhe felt her arms wrap around his waist, her fingers fisting in the fabric of the shirt at his sides as she kissed him back. Fuck, she tasted so good. Like blueberries and honey. He pressed sipping kisses to her lips, over her cheeks, her temples, down her neck. She arched into his touch, and he growled in appreciation.
“There’s my baby girl,” he murmured huskily when she pressed her body against his fully, arching into him. He stroked his hand down her hair, over her back. “My beautiful butterfly.”
Gathering her into his arms, he lifted her, making her squeak in surprise. He walked them to the couch, where he sat down, settling her in his lap. Her legs bracketed his hips, her shins resting on the cushions on either side of his hips. His hands slid from the underside of her bottom over the round curves and her breath caught, and he watched as pain passed across her face briefly.
“Fuck, baby girl,” he breathed, shaking his head sadly. He smoothed his palms over the swell of her bottom gently. “I did hurt you.”
She swallowed hard and lowered her gaze from his. She whispered, “It’s just tender, is all…”
Sliding his hands up her back to her shoulders, he brushed her blonde hair away from her face as he shook his head again. “God I’m sorry, Hope,” he murmured miserably. Tucking her hair behind her ears, he let his fingers drift down the long strands over her shoulders. “I’m sorry. Please let me fix this, butterfly.”
“Grant, just kiss me,” she pleaded on a whisper, and so he did. He kissed her deeply, slowly. Fuck he’d missed kissing her. She was perfect, so in tune to him, and to Van. It was like she’d been made for him, for them. For both of them. Together.
They kissed and kissed, softly, sweetly. Over and over again. He was rock hard in his jeans, but he did nothing but kiss her.When she finally pulled away, breathless, she tucked herself against his chest and buried her face in his neck.
“You don’t get to punish me like that anymore,” she whispered against the skin of his throat, tucking herself into him, her body relaxing against his. “Not when you’re angry.”
Guilt gnawed at his gut. He smoothed his hands down her hair, over the softness of her back, and back up again, making sure to avoid the tender curves of her butt. He rested his cheek against her temple, moving his lips in her hair. “I can’t apologize to you enough for what happened in my office, Hope. I have no excuse for how I acted. I broke every one of my rules in that room, baby girl, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. In my head, we had talked about it, in Chicago…and I rationalized it by getting your consent beforehand. But not like that, and I knew it. I took it too far. I was cruel and betrayed your trust in that situation. I don’t blame you for not trusting me not to hurt you again, butterfly. And I’m so sorry.”
Her arms were tucked between their chests, her head resting on his shoulder, and he could feel her lips as they moved against his neck. The junction of her thighs was still pressed against his lap, her thighs straddling his hips, but neither of them moved. He cradled her against him, simply holding her. Needing her against him.
“I was scared,” she whispered then, and his heart ached. He tightened his arms around her. “In Chicago. I had never felt the way I did with you two, had never dreamed that anything like what happened with us could be real. I panicked. I told myself it was all in my head, that there was no way that you would feel the same way I did. Convinced myself it was just one crazy, incredible weekend. And I ran.” He felt her back expand under his arms with her shuddering breath, then the soft exhalation she made against his throat. Snuggling in deeper into his arms, she continued, “I hated myself as soon as the door closed. Ialready wanted to turn around and bang on the door, pray that one of you would wake up and let me back in… I cried all the way out, Grant. I knew then that my entire life was changed, and it terrified me. We agreed no personal details. No last names. No hometowns. No phone numbers. I mean, how is this ever supposed to work in the real world? People don’t… society doesn’t like things that aren’t normal. This isn’t normal, and it’s a small town and—”
“Shhh,” he said gently, lifting her chin with his fingers until she looked at him. Fuck she was so beautiful. He’d missed her. So fucking much. “I know we agreed. Which is why I was so damn angry. I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to that, and I did anyway. Because I knew that first night, Hope.”
“Knew what?” she asked, searching his eyes with her own.
He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, before cupping her cheek in his hand. “That I had found what I’d been looking for my entire life, without even realizing it. You made me whole again, baby girl, for the first time in a very long time. And when I realized you’d left… it broke something inside of me. Something I hadn’t thought was even capable of breaking.”
“I don’t know how to do any of this, Grant,” she murmured. “This whole thing terrifies me. How can I feel what I feel for you… and for Van, at the same time? Every construct of relationships that I’ve ever known, everything we’re taught… is that it’s not supposed to be like this. That I have to choose one or the other. And I can’t. I didn’t want to that night. I can’t now. But now Van is mad at me, too… And no one is going to understand—how is something like this ever supposed to work—”
Clasping her face between his hands, he leaned forward and kissed her, shushing her panicked monologue with his mouth. “Van is not mad at you, baby girl. He’s mad at me, but I can handle him. We will figure it out. All of us. We said that night that you’re ours, and we meant it. This is new for Van and I aswell. We’ve shared—” She tensed at the words, and he smiled against her lips, “—don’t get jealous, Hope. That was in the past. You’re our present. And I think I can speak for both of us that we’d like you to be our future, too. We’ve never been romantically involved with anyone together. It will be something we need to work at and figure out.”
“You would want that?” she asked, her delicately arched eyebrows raising in surprise.
He laughed lightly, smoothing his hands over her hair, brushing his fingers across her cheeks. “Do you think Van is going to let you walk away, baby girl? Do you think I could let you walk away again? I know that it’s unconventional, and we will struggle with it, especially at first. I’m willing to try. I can’t imagine going back to before. The last two months have been hell, Hope.”
“It was for me, too,” she murmured sadly, kissing him again. His heart thudded in his chest. “I missed you. I missed you both. I don’t want to go back to before, either.”
The door handle rattled and a moment later the door swung open as he glanced over. A fluffy, white muzzled golden retriever padded over the threshold, shaking raindrops from its thick fur. A half a heartbeat later, a woman entered, wearing a bright teal raincoat with the hood pulled up over her head, and a pair of red Hunter muck boots covered her feet. Pushing the hood off her head, he recognized one of his usual Friday night ladies, the curvy woman with strawberry blonde hair, the same one that had been at the table with Hope when he’d first seen her. Jade, he thought he remembered.
“Uhh—" Hope mumbled from where she was, still draped over his lap and chest. The other woman’s head whipped over toward them.
“Oh!” she gasped, her gaze bouncing from his to Hope’s and back again. Recognition dawned in her eyes and the look she gave him was decidedly chilly. “Umm. Hey.”
