I’m twisting my hands around, but Emmett stops my fidget with a firm palm.
“I don’t know what this is between us, Bill, but I do know that if we don’t get out now, then we’re going to end up doing or saying something that we can’t undo. You mean so much to me; you light up my goddamn world when we’re in the same room. Icare for you and Blake, and if stepping back is the only way I can keep you both in my life, then that is what I’ll do. Even if it breaks me, I’ll hold it together so I can keep you in some form.”
“You’re already eliminating me from your life.” My words sound choked.
He doesn’t have an answer for me, and that’s because there truly isn’t one. The odds are stacked against us, even before we’ve gotten a chance to explore what this is.
Emmett pulls his glasses off, setting them on my face. My vision turns blurry, but I can still make out the pained smile as it tugs at his lips.
“I wish you could see what I do, Billie. How amazingly beautiful you are. In a few months, this will be something you look back on, and you’ll be happy that we took the route we did.”
“You don’t want to back away from us,” I challenge, handing his glasses back to him.
He twiddles them around between his fingers, eyes dropping to the floor as he scuffs the ground lightly with his shoe. “It doesn’t matter what I want. This is all about doing the right thing for my girls.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
EMMETT
If I thought the conversation I had with Billie earlier tonight was torturous, I didn’t even scratch the surface.
Watching Billie sink more drinks than I know she can handle, all while I have no control—or right—to stop her, feels like a disaster waiting to happen. And one I can only blame on myself.
Nudging me in the ribs, Sawyer takes an opportunity to speak with me when Billie, Darcy, and Kate all head for the restroom.
“I know I’ve only met Billie a couple of times, but is she okay? She looks … I don’t know …” He trails off, following my line of vision as she catches her hip on a nearby table, completely misjudging her spatial awareness.
That’s going to bruise.
“Upset?” I finish for him, figuring that’s the emotion Sawyer was looking for.
He rolls his lips together, picking up his pint and taking a pull. “Maybe, yeah. It feels like she’s drinking to deal with something, and given that she hasn’t set her eyes on you once, a part of me can’t help but wonder if her demeanor is to do with you.”
Guilt swarms my insides. Sawyer joined our group after we allleft the players’ lounge so he wouldn’t have witnessed me and Billie sneaking into the back bar.
“I took some advice from Archer.”
He looks horrified on my behalf. “Jesus, really?”
If I didn’t feel so shitty, I’d probably laugh at my goalie’s expense. Let’s just say, he doesn’t normally carry the flag for making the best decisions.
I watch the bubbles pop in my soda. “It was the right thing to do and also what you told me needed to happen all those weeks ago.”
“You put distance between you both.” His statement hits like he punched through my chest cavity.
After I swallow for a second time, successfully forcing rising bile down my throat, all I can manage is a tight nod.
Sawyer folds his arms over his chest, eyes still trained toward the restroom. “How did she take it?”
I release a humorless chuckle. “I think you’re witnessing that.”
He looks at me then, green eyes full of questions. “And what about you? I mean, you said it was the right action to take, but your face didn’t match your words. It still doesn’t.”
Sometimes, I resent how perceptive my friends can be. When Archer warned me about keeping a good poker face, I was certain that I could pull it off. Tonight, I’m failing miserably, and each time I set eyes on Billie as she attempts to engage in conversation with the rest of the girls, all I want is for her to look at me.
I miss her eyes, even though she’s been sitting opposite me for most of the night.
I miss her smile because the one she’s been wearing isn’t real.
