Sadness.
My time in that library is over, as is the life I once led around campus. Late-night studying with Clara, followed by early morning sprints to my professor’s office to make submission deadlines—that was what my life once centered around. If the campus coffee shop had run out of raisin toast, that was a disaster to me, especially if I had a lecture first thing with Professor Barnett, otherwise known as The Dragon.
Perhaps it makes me a bad mom to grieve the life I once had, and if it does, then I guess I’ll have to sit with that reality. Because regardless of the deep way that I love my daughter, the dreams I once had of graduating with honors and studying for the bar exam are all but gone. A promise of support from Tucker and his family has transpired into nothing more than false hope and bitter feelings toward a boy I thought I once loved. And now, as I stand here, looking out over the Brooklyn skyline, I realize that nothing in life is guaranteed, and neither are the people that you thinkhave your back—a hard fucking lesson to learn at only twenty-one-years-old.
Me
If I told you, then I’d have to kill you.
Clara
Be my guest. If I don’t turn in this paper on time, I’m pretty sure my dad will throttle me anyway.
Me
So dramatic.
Clara
Perhaps. Anyway, back to you and your lavish surroundings.
I look down at a sleeping Blake, thinking about how much I should reveal to my college friend. I’m hesitant to tell her too much, but I also need a girlfriend to talk to about Emmett.
Me
Do you remember me mentioning my dad’s best friend being an NHL player?
Clara
Girl, how could I forget? Although I’m still pissed about the fact that you wouldn’t tell me his name.
Me
I’m in his apartment.
Clara
Cool.
Wait.
At five a.m.?!
Start. Talking.
Me
I’m not sleeping with him, if that’s what you’re thinking.
Clara
So, you decided to have a pajama party at his place?
Me
My apartment needs maintenance, and he offered for me to stay here until it’s fixed.
Clara
