But despite all the danger signs, images of the girl I’m still holding the hand of scroll through my mind—fantasies centered around how beautiful she would look beneath me, the way I wouldn’t stop until the smile I know so well and love became a permanent feature on her face, erasing a legacy of pain inflicted by her shitty ex.
Billie’s eyes drop to where we’re still holding hands, resting on the wooden bench between us.
“Was any of what Maria said true?”
“In what sense?”
Her long, wavy hair floats in the air as a gust of wind blows through the park, a scent of nutmeg filling my senses.
“Well, I know you never cheated because that isn’t who you are.” Her words are punctuated, underlining the confidence in her statement. “If Maria thought you were unfaithful, then she really didn’t know you well at all.”
I remain quiet because I know Billie hasn’t finished speaking.
She looks up at me through dark lashes. “I’m asking if Maria was right about us flirting?”
Common sense gets the better of me, forcing me to release her hand, and I clasp mine together before messing with my fucking glasses. Again.
None of this conversation is right.
What the fuck am I doing?
“What answer do you want me to give, Billie?”
She flushes pink, tearing her eyes away from me and focusing straight ahead. “The truthful one.”
I clear my throat, determined to get a handle on the building tension between us. “Maria interpreted our friendship as more, and she had a habit of doing that with any woman I spoke to or even looked at. You and I”—I motion between us—“we’ve always had this affinity, joking around and bouncing off each other. My ex-wife let her paranoia see something that wasn’t there.”
At least not until now for me.
I can’t tell if she looks disappointed or if she’s in agreement, as Billie’s face turns expressionless. So much of me wants to take her hand back in mine and embrace the comfort her touch brings. It feels like words aren’t needed when I can feel the warmth of her soft skin.
A couple more beats of nothing pass, and then she resets herself, shaking her head to rid thoughts she obviously doesn’t welcome.
“Can you drive Blake and me home now?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
BILLIE
“You don’t need to rush into making a decision, sweetheart. You could be back in college within a few months. Paying rent and caring for Blake while trying to study might prove to be too much.”
Mom eyes me over her mug, taking a sip while she awaits a response. We’ve been apartment-hunting all morning and stopped by a cute café in the local area for coffee and the best cakes in downtown Brooklyn.
I’ve been living with my parents for over a month, and I already need my own space. Sure, living at home is cheaper and saves money, but Tucker’s financial contribution would help toward some of the rent on my own place, and Dad has offered to cash in shares to pay off my student finances and cover living costs until Blake is old enough and I’m ready to find a job. Ordinarily, I’d turn down Dad’s offer and tell him to keep the investment, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and I need to start rebuilding my life—something I can’t do while I’m cooped up in my childhood bedroom.
Mom and I both know I’m not heading back to collegeanytime soon, regardless of whether I study in Austin or Brooklyn. It’s time to acknowledge my reality.
“Just because I won’t be living at home doesn’t mean I won’t come by all the time with Blake. You can still care for her whenever you want. I just …” I drop my eyes to the wooden table in front of me, breaking off a piece of brownie.
Mom studies me for a beat, exhaling a long breath. “It’s only been a matter of weeks, Billie. You’ve barely found your feet, and I’m concerned that you’ll be lonely, living by yourself in the center of town.”
Earlier today, we found the perfect one-bedroom apartment with exposed brickwork and beams. It’s not set in the fanciest part of Brooklyn, but it has character and charm, and it’s perfect for Blake. The landlord explained that a single woman had lived in the apartment for over a year without any trouble or safety issues. The rental was reasonable for the area, and it just felt like home when we walked in. I want to go for it and move straight in. Dad’s all for it; the only skeptic is sitting in front of me, staring down into her coffee mug.
I reach out and take Mom’s hand in mine, glancing briefly at Blake as she continues sleeping in her stroller. Her colic attacks have thankfully eased over the past week, making my decision to move out an easier one to reach.
“I’m not going back to college, Mom. At least not yet anyway. My life has changed, and so have I.” I squeeze her hand tighter, silently asking her to look at me. “And I think I’m okay with that. Blake has to come first, and right now, I can’t give her everything she needs because I spend too much of my time locked away in the house, too far from civilization and places like this.” My eyes rove the cute café. “I know I have you and Dad, but I’m already lonely, confined to a small bedroom in the suburbs. I need to get out and make new friends and then start searching for jobs as soon as I can.”
Mom analyzes our joined hands. “I’m worried about you living in a strange place.”
