“I’m going to grab more drinks,” I say. “Any requests?”
A chorus of requests follows. More hot toddies. Another beer for Dom. More of the apple cider Chloe’s been nursing all night, the fancy kind from the orchard outside town.
I head inside, the warmth of the house hitting me as I step through the back door. The kitchen still smells like turkey and sage and all the good things from dinner. I pull out the whisky Maren brought for the hot toddies, the good stuff from The Black Lantern she always knows how to pick, and line up the honey and lemons on the counter.
I hear footsteps behind me and turn to see Calvin coming through the door, letting it close softly behind him.
“Thought you could use a hand,” he says.
“Sure.” I grab a few mugs from the cabinet. “You’re on lemon duty.”
He moves to the cutting board and starts slicing, and for a few minutes we work in comfortable silence. The kind that comes from a lifetime of being brothers, of knowing each other well enough that words aren’t always necessary. Through the window I can see the fire pit, everyone’s faces lit by the glow.
“So,” Calvin says, not looking up from the lemons. “Emma Hayes.”
I nearly drop the whisky bottle. “What about her?”
“Just figuring that’s what’s got you distracted tonight.” He keeps slicing. “Maren and I thought we picked up on something at the festival. Honestly, Maren noticed it before that, when you two were at the Black Lantern.” He pauses. “Everything alright?”
I focus on pouring whisky into mugs.
“For the record,” he continues, “we think Emma’s great. Maren adores her.”
“I know she’s great.” I sigh. “That’s not the issue.”
“Then what is?” Calvin leans against the counter, watching me. “You know, you gave up hockey to be responsible. Remember that?”
I blink at the completely random pivot. “Are you having a stroke? What does that have to do with anything?”
He laughs. “Bear with me. I’m a pretentious writer. We take the scenic route.”
I snort and gesture for him to continue, reaching for the honey.
“You didn’t pursue hockey when you were younger, despite being good at it, despite loving it?—“
“I wasn’t good enough to go pro?—“
“That’s the excuse you told yourself. But you loved it, and you walked away because staying felt like the responsible choice.” Calvin’s voice is firm. “You stayed close to home after Dad died. Helped out with everything. Did the responsible thing, both you and Dominic did, even when I ran off to college.”
“You didn’t run off.” I know Calvin’s always carried guilt about leaving when he did, about not being here when things got hard.
“I appreciate it, but I’m not trying to rehash all that.” He picks up the knife again, quarters another lemon. “I’m just saying you’ve always been like this, Theo. Taking care of Mom when she got sick. Marrying Victoria because you thought it was the honorable thing to do when her uptight family found out you two were sleeping together.”
I focus on stirring honey into the mugs, watching it dissolve into the whisky.
“Out of all of us,” Calvin continues, “you’ve always been the one taking care of everyone else. The restaurant, Chloe, making sure everything runs smoothly. Hosting Thanksgivings. Making sure everyone else is okay before you even think about yourself.”
My jaw tightens. “I have Chloe. Ihaveto be that guy.”
“I know. But I’ve seen how much Chloe adores Emma. How much Emma adores her right back.” Calvin sets down the knife and turns to face me. “We saw it at the festival. She’s already part of Chloe’s world, Theo. The only question is what you’re going to do about it.”
I stare out the window toward the fire pit. Chloe’s laughing at something Jack said, her whole body shaking with it. The helmet’s back on her head, too big and ridiculous. She’s waving her sparkler in wild patterns, the light catching her delighted face.
“I don’t want to mess this up,” I say quietly. “For Chloe. For anyone. If I pursue this and it falls apart, Chloe loses someone else she cares about.” I set down the honey jar, bracing my hands on the counter. “Not to mention the age difference. She won’t be Chloe’s teacher next year, but still.”
“You’re looking at this all wrong.” Calvin moves to stand beside me, both of us watching our family through the window. “You keep saying what if Chloe loses someone. But what if shegainssomeone? What if itworks? Instead of asking, ‘what could go wrong?’ what if you tried asking, ‘what could goright?’”He pauses, letting that hang there, then continues. “And for what it’s worth, Emma has her life more together at twenty-four than any of us did. She’s not some kid, Theo. And from what I’ve seen, she’s interested in you.”
I don’t respond to that. I’m not sure how to.
