I am going to get them back.
Both of them.
Whatever it takes.
Chapter 27
Lily
Everlong
(Acoustic Version)
Foo Fighters
I don’t remember gettingoff the plane.
I remember holding Larkin like someone might try to steal her the moment I blinked.I remember Briana's arms around me at the curb, the smell of her vanilla shampoo, the way she pulled me in like she could glue the pieces back together by sheer force of love.I remember my voice shaking when I whispered, “Everyone knows, Bri.Everyone.”
I don’t remember the drive.
But I remember the silence that followed.Even laughter at Bri’s house feels wrong, like I’m trespassing in a life I thought I wanted, normal, quiet, safe.Only now it feels like hiding.Like being safe is suddenly the most dangerous thing of all.Even Teddy seems to know something is wrong, hiding in Bri’s bedroom instead of planting himself in my lap.
Larkin babbles on the floor in her little bouncy seat, oblivious and happy, and I swear if I stare at her too long, I’ll either fall apart completely or become stone.Maybe both.Looking at her is a reminder of the beautiful man that helped to create her.
“I’m doing the right thing,” I whisper trying to convince myself.Because Ihave to believe that.Don’t I?
Except Bri doesn’t buy it for a second.She slides a mug of tea toward me and sits, eyes soft but unyielding.“You left because you’re a mom.Good.That’s what good moms do.”She pauses.“But are you really protecting her right now?Or are you protecting yourself from being hurt again?”
The question hits like cold water poured down my spine.I open my mouth to argue, then snap it shut.I am protecting her, but the words don’t feel right when I try to say them.They taste like fear.
Bri squeezes my hand.“You fell in love with him.”It’s not a question.It’s a mirror.
I swallow hard.“I didn’t want to.I didn’t plan to.”
“Yeah, well,” she shrugs, her lips tilting up into a soft smile.“Love rarely fills out the appropriate paperwork.”
I huff out a laugh despite the ache in my chest.
“Do you really think this is going to last forever?”She continues, voice gentler now.“The noise?The frenzy?It burns hot and fast, then the world moves on.”She shakes her head.“This too shall pass.You and Larkin will become yesterday’s news by tomorrow.”
She reaches a hand out then and covers one of mine.“But him?The way he looks at you?The way you breathe when he’s near?”Her eyes soften.“That’s the thing that stays.”
I look at my baby.I look at my packed bag on the floor.The one I never unpacked, because I couldn’t admit what leaving felt like.
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
“Good.”Bri pats my knee.“If it wasn’t scary, it wouldn’t be worth it.”
“I have to go back.”I confess, my heart thundering at the realization.“I don’t want to lose him, Bri.”
“Then don’t.”She stands, grabbing not only her mug, but mine as well as she starts toward the kitchen.“There’s just one thing you need to know though.”
I tilt my head, wondering what else there could be.“What’s that?
“I’m coming with you.”
Later that nightI kiss Larkin’s sleeping head and tell her I love her more than the sky and the stars and sound itself.My mom watches from the doorway, no judgement, only understanding and strength looking back at me.
