“Holy shit, Lily.”He stands abruptly, coffee splashing out of the mug as he does.“Are you trying to tell me what I think you are?”
I rise as well, but much slower, the words I’m about to say weighing me down.My heart is thundering under my rib cage, my nerves causing my hands to shake as I feel my head bob up and down as I begin to explain.
“I didn’t even realize until four months after the accident.”The words come out in a rush, and I almost stop when he turns a ghostly shade of white, but I keep going, wanting to get this over with.“I hadn’t gotten my period, but I thought it was because my body was broken and healing.My boobs hurt, but my ribs were broken, so I just attributed it to that.”
“You were pregnant.”He surmises, his eyes flicking to my stomach, like the baby is still inside me.
“When I realized my abdomen wasn’t swollen, but indeed growing, I went to my doctor and yes, they confirmed it.”I nod and say it again.“I was pregnant.Almost seventeen weeks by the time I realized.”
“I think I might throw up.”His hand moves over his stomach as he walks toward the kitchen, placing the coffee on the island as he heads to the sink.“I can’t fucking believe this.”
I watch as he places both hands on the edge of the sink, his head falling between his arms, his chest heaving up and down.
I understand how he feels.It’s about the same way I reacted.Worse because I didn’t even remember who I had sex with.Had no idea who the father of my baby was.
I walk up behind him and gently begin to rub small circles on his back with my fingers.“I’m sorry, Luc.”I whisper.I know I just changed his life forever, and I have absolutely no idea what this is going to do to him.
“I’m okay.”He murmurs, his back vibrating under my touch.“I just wasn’t expecting that.”
“Imagine how I felt when I found out.”I say softly.“At least you remember having sex with me.”
He whirls around, my balance thrown off by the quick action, and he grips me around the arm to steady me.“Jesus Christ, that’s true.”He closes his eyes for a second.“This is so fucked up.”
“Just a little.”I agree, our eyes locking when his lids open.
“Did you have the baby?”He asks, his voice low.
“I did.”I nod.“I had a little girl.On July 4th, last year.She’s almost a year old.”
He stares at me, with the very same eyes that our daughter has.The ones that have haunted me for the last eleven months.So very different from my light blue colored irises.She has his hair, his eyes, even his nose.It’s uncanny.And so strange after wondering for so long who her father might be.
“I have a daughter.”He repeats, as if saying the words will make it more real for him.
“Only if you want one.”I say, knowing that there is nothing normal about this situation.
He takes a step back as if slapped.“Wait, what?”
“Luc, you didn’t ask for this.”I throw my hands up.
“Neither did you.”He retorts, anger in his tone.
“I just mean that I don’t expect anything from you.I didn’t even know who you were until yesterday.I didn’t know if I’d ever find out who her father was.I assumed I’d always be her only parent.”
“But you’re not.”He takes a step closer to me.“I’m her father.”He shakes his head.“Even if I didn’t know it until five minutes ago.I would never not acknowledge a child that’s mine, let alone walk away.”
“I-” I turn, twisting to hide the tears that come unannounced, my shoulders beginning to shake at the emotions I’m trying to contain.
“Lily.”Luc pulls me to him, enveloping me in his arms, his breath warm against my ear.“Please don’t cry.”
I try to stop, I really do, but the more I try, the more I seem to leak tears.I let him hold me.It’s really, really nice to not feel so alone.
When I can finally speak, I peek up at him under my wet lashes.“I just never thought I would find her father.Or that when I did, he would want to be involved in her life.”
“Here I am.”He assures me, not an ounce of hesitation in his response.
“Here you are.”I say, disbelief still surging through me.
“Lily?”He peers down at me.
