That’s when it hits me. The reason he appeared so pissed when he pulled in. “You saw one of them today, didn’t you?”
His hands pause briefly before he grunts an affirmation and kneads harder, almost tearing the dough into irreparable dust. Fisting the counter, he doesn’t meet my eyes as he says, “I wanted to kill him. To rip his fucking head off his body and glory in the spray of his spurting blood. I wanted to terrorize the mother he was with because she fucking knew, too.” His head lifts slightly to find me staring at him, unable to breathe or blink. “I wanted them to know a thousand times more pain than you did.”
“Why didn’t you?” Saint has been the most self-restrained man I’ve ever known, but he can also be impulsive and struggle with his rage at times.
“Because there were witnesses. Cameras. It would have meant leaving you, and I won’t fucking do that. Not again.” A twisted smile crosses his lips as he says, “Besides, now he can tell the rest, and they can shit their pants waiting to see my face and wondering when I’ll be coming for them.”
“You don’t have to do anything, Saint.”
He growls, slamming a fist into the dough, and I swear something cracked, but I’m not sure if it was his hand or the marble counter. “I never have to do anything, but this is something I crave as deeply as connecting our souls. They don’t get to get away with hurting the most valuable and important person in my life, and think they get to carry on with their own. They sealed their fates, Lake, not you. Never you.”
Before I know it, my cheeks are wet with tears I didn’t realize had begun to stream down. Saint is on me in a flash, wiping them away and clasping my face in his hands as he presses a sweet kiss to my head.
“Nobody has ever loved me like you do,” I whisper into his chest, rubbing my face against his body like I’m marking him as mine. “Nobody ever could.”
“No, they won’t. I won’t allow anyone else to.” It’s a vicious vow, like he’s imagining someone trying to, and he’s killing them.
Reaching up, I pull his head down for a kiss that transitions from sweet touches and caresses to losing ourselves in each other in a flash. His hands skim up and down my body, lifting my shirt for him to feel my skin, warming me up from the inside out.
His lips glide across my jaw and down the line of my throat, sucking and nipping as he goes. “Saint,” I pant. “Saint.”
He growls but releases me. I love his control when it comes to me. I can’t wait to see what he does when I ask him to stop holding back.
“Sorry.” He nuzzles his nose into the curve of my neck. “I want to devour you, but I need you to want it as well.”
“I do.” Reassuring him helps ease my anxiety. “I want to be with you, but I’m so afraid of freezing up and never being able to give myself to you completely.”
He brushes his fingers through my hair, and we both ignore the traces of flour and dough that’ll need to be washed out later, when he replies, “Even if all we ever do for the rest of our lives is kiss, that will always be good enough for me.”
CHAPTER 15
Saint
While serving Lake dinner, she pours herself a glass of wine after grabbing a beer from the fridge for me and twisting off the cap, and it feels right in a way that settles my restlessness. There’s no desire to do anything other than take care of my woman.
Watching Lake’s eyes close and her lips curl upwards as she inhales deeply, my fascination with her intensifies to uncontrolled levels.
“I’d like it if you spent the night.” My request shakes her for a moment, and she stares at me, appearing shocked. “I’d like it more if you moved in.”
Lake takes her time responding and dips a slice of her bread into the lasagna soup. “I was hoping to spend the night.” Pleasure hums through my veins. “I worry moving in is too soon.”
I bite my tongue, not wishing to argue. The last thing I want to do is push her away by going too fast. “Why?” I have the right to know, don’t I?
Using her fork to stir her soup, she replies thoughtfully, leaving me hopeful. “I’m still so broken, Saint.” The shame on her face is both rage-inducing and saddening. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to sleep through the night, go out in public and not have a panic attack. You say you’re okay with never being intimate now, but that’s going to get old, fast.”
Pushing my chair back and reaching for Lake, I draw her into my lap, forcing her chin up so our eyes meet. “I realize believing me is hard because you have all these feelings inside. Hell, I’m not any good at expressing my own, but please believe me when I say this, Lake. You are mine, and I am yours.” Pressing my head to hers, I keep our gazes locked. “That means I’m not going anywhere. Ever. From the day you were born, I always knew you were different. I knew our lives would eventually lead to this moment.”
She opens her mouth, whether to argue or agree, I don’t care. I silence her with my lips. Words will only get me so far. Lake needs actions, and I give her those.
Licking the seam of her lips, she opens for me, and her hands grip my shoulders, holding me so tight that her nails dig in. Hopefully, leaving behind little crescent-moon-shaped imprints. I want her mark on me.
Things will not be simple for us. We both have our work cut out for us, and I’m 100% in it for the long haul.
Gasping, she breaks away, panting. “You make me forget when you kiss me.”
An idea strikes, and I grin. “Then how about we take dessert outside before hitting the hot tub, where we can kiss all night long?”
She nods hesitantly, letting out an adorable squeal when I stand with her in my arms and carry her out to the back porch. There, I have a gazebo with a swing and a hot tub tucked into a corner because I knew she loved them.
