The curse shifted beneath my skin, ready to wake, ready to take over my tongue so I could no longer speak to her as a sane man. As I clenched and unclenched my fingers, a tremor ran through my body. I was fighting it, but I could only keep it contained for so long.
Through my struggles, this stubborn, fearless woman held my stare as if she could see right through me. But I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I’d already used up what little time the dream and her magic had given me to speak with her so far.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to burn the hall down just to keep her from taking one more step toward me.
My voice came out hoarse. “You can’t save me.”
“I’m not here to save you.” She didn’t as much as blink. “I’m here because your kingdom needs direction…and because I believe we can find relief from your burden.”
Then she wrapped her fingers around my upper arm. It was a simple touch, but I felt it everywhere. It took every bit of my willpower not to allow the shudder that took over my body to show.
I didn’t dare move. If I did, I might collapse, or kiss her, or do something else unforgivable. The proof was undeniable—the curse aimed to drive me mad, and her presence was driving it to new lengths.
“I still think you might be able to achieve peace.” Another calming whisper.
Gods, that word again. I’d only glimpsed that beautiful, unattainable ideal in fragments throughout my adulthood. She had no way of knowing what peace ultimately looked like for someone like me. Peace was oblivion—no more pain, no more constant fighting, no more dailytorture. But telling her that truth would be another cruelty heaped on top of all the others I’d already shown her.
“We haven’t even started yet. But even if it’s just for your kingdom, we have to try.”
Isca was right.ThatI would continue to suffer for.
I didn’t trust myself to tell her to leave Darreth again, so I swore under my breath. Her hand dropped from my arm, and I turned and stalked back into the hallway as a snarl built in my throat.
I used magic to shut the door between us. Heard her little yelp of surprise and the stomping of one shoeless foot as I closed my own door.
I let her believe I was turning her away. That I wanted her gone. When really, I was running away again.
I told myself it was the magic that made me feel this way. But I knew better. There was something about this woman that called to the curse, that made it stand at attention. But, more dangerously, Isca also called to the last part of me I thought still worth saving.
And, cursed gods help me, I selfishly didn’t want her to stop.
Chapter 16
Isca
I must’ve passed out the moment I hit the bed because I didn’t even remember crawling beneath the covers. The mattress was so comfortable that I didn’t want to get up. The air smelled faintly of smoke from my banked fire and the remnants of last night’s beeswax candles.
Last night. It all came back to me in a rush: the pulse of wild magic, the soft sob I thought I’d heard through Emrys’s door, getting caught, arguing.
I sat up, trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. The embarrassment had faded, but it hadn’t vanished entirely. Had Emrys already told Nisien what I’d done? Would he approve?
A knock came, followed by Catrin’s voice.
She entered with a tray and a smile, dressed in a different crisp servant’s dress. “Sunrise was an hour ago, figured you needed sleep. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything important. The princes keep things quiet for a while before the summer festival.”
I yawned and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. “Are you actually a goddess sent to guide me through this trial? Because, Catrin, it’s been less than a day, and I would’ve already failed without you.”
Catrin radiated pleasure at the compliment. “I brought breakfast.” She set the tray down beside me, smiling widely. “Extra butter and jam because I saw how much you enjoyed it.”
I could get used to this pampering. I offered her a sleepy smile. “I think I see the game now. If you keep feeding me like this, you won’t have to take in the gowns you made for me!”
Catrin gave me a quick, amused glance. “You are a smart one. With any luck, we’re already well on our way.”
I glanced down at my middle. I was still far too thin, but there was a faint rounding on my belly that hadn’t been there before my meeting with Chancellor Maeron weeks before.
Catrin made no objection to my serving myself and proceeded to clean the fireplace in silence.
It was strange how quickly I’d adapted to the rhythm of this place. Strange, too, how quickly Catrin had become an important person in my life. She was the rock I was clinging to in the middle of the ocean.
