Chapter 41
Emrys
I was certain I wouldn’t sleep that night. My nerves were frayed, my thoughts consumed by Isca’s sudden entrance. And yet, something about being near her had calmed the storm inside me.
Not just her magic.Her.
In my mind, her presence was now inexplicably intertwined with the scent of lavender, with that moment on the battlefield when I decided finally to leave the Assembly’s war behind.
Now I was trotting toward war again. Though this time a sense of restraint, but not quite control, had settled over me thanks to her. Even so, I hated that I’d told her the truth. That I’d agreed to stop pushing her away. My weakness endangered her. How could I have been so careless in making that promise? Experience showed it would only lead to catastrophe.
Yet, she’d said that I was good for her. I was still in disbelief, struggling to accept it, while simultaneously hating myself for doubting her. At times like this, the internal war between my two sides was unbearable.
That was why I’d gulped down her magic like a man dying of thirst.
Now the monster inside wastooquiet. Biding its time until it could remind me that the bit of peace it had permitted me would come at a hefty price. And from the way things had been going with it recently, it would wait until she was close to try to sink its claws in.
The dividing line between its wishes and mine had blurred. Was it Emrys or the monster whose feet kept pointing in her direction? Was it me or thecurse that wanted to rip open her tent, press my face to her throat, and breathe her in until morning?
Probably both of us.
Anyagreement I had with the darkness living inside my skin was terrifying.
I glanced back across the camp as we packed up and saw her laughing at something Catrin had said. Seeing them together, I was almost overwhelmed by the gravity of what I had allowed. Neither of them belonged out here with war horses and men sharpening blades. Isca belonged in comfortable stone halls, ruling with wit and magic and that damned stubborn fire behind her eyes.
I’d kept her too close. And somehow, still not close enough.
Mine. I wanted her to be mine.
She was less enthusiastic about speaking to me during the ride after I’d stationed two additional guards on her protection ring. And then another four just to walk her to the stream because we were getting uncomfortably close to the border.
I’d wanted to keep her safe. But even a less intelligent man could see that in doing so, I’d made her feel caged.
Yet I still couldn’t quite dredge up any guilt for that—even if I was being excessive.
We set up camp again late that afternoon. Our rapid northward progress, especially impressive for a group of our size, meant we’d arrive within two days. I was greeting a courier when I spotted Isca slipping out of the small copse of trees behind the campalone.
None of her guards were in sight. I thought my chest might split open from too many conflicting emotions rattling within me at once.
Then a flash of metal and an unnatural shade of blue appeared behind her in the tree line as the underbrush swayed. It was my worst nightmare, come to life.
The curse surged. My body followed.
I sprinted, pumping magic into my muscles to hasten my progress. Couldn’t risk using destructive magic near her. The fear that consumed me would make any attack I volleyed far more powerful than the carefully controlled precision I needed to keep her safe.
I had faster ways of getting there, but those would make me lose sight of my quarry and risk missing. I saw a flash of tan skin. A hand reaching toward her. Confirmation that I was making the right call.
Voices called out to me, but I streaked past them, unsheathing my sword.
She screamed, “Emrys!”
Hearing my unadorned name from her lips shattered my concentration completely. But I wasn’t alone in my body. The curse surged forward with only one aim: death.
With the force of a boulder thundering down a mountainside, I stormed into the tree line. “Youdaretouch her.” Even my growl came out warped.
I barely had time to register the design on the man’s tunic before my sword met his flesh in a deadly arc. My steel emerged red on the other side. The same color as my thoughts.
Another burst of magic slowed my momentum and spin. My breath came heavy. I sensed no other threats.
