I silently snarled at him for calling her beautiful. I covered it by clearing my throat, fingers tightening around the quill I still held until the feather snapped.
Nisien’s smirk grew at the sharpcrack. “You practically count her breaths, Emrys. You fought the battle valiantly, but her charms won the war long before you were willing to admit it.”
“If you’ve known of my feelings for so long, then why did you pursue her?” This time, I failed to keep the snarl out of my voice.
Nisien waved his hand airily, dismissing my concern and my rage from the air at the same time. “You’ve known me since before my birth,brother. I think you already know the answer to that question.”
“You…infuriating…ass!” My hand cracked down on the table, spilling ink all over the letter I’d been penning. “Kissing her, dancing with her… You’ve been baiting me into action the entire time!”
Nisien stopped me with another, more forceful movement of his hand. “Oh, don’t get me wrong. I do find her attractive. But she was very upfront with me that there would be nothing between us.”
“Then why the continuedfamiliarity?” I chomped down on the word with invisible fangs, just as I tried to do with my jealousy.
“Beyond wanting to make you jealous, public attention from me lifted her appraised value in the eyes of our court. But the larger part of it is that we’refriends, Emrys! It’s that simple.”
I frowned. I wanted to grumble, but her being friendly with the only other person in the world who actually knew me was a blessing.
“Emrys, I’ve seen the change. I don’t think you see it yet, but the man who sits before me is not the same brother I grew up with. You’ve been transformed, and it wasn’t by war or a curse this time. It was by her. She’sexactly what you’ve needed all along. So I must ask,whyare you not with her now?”
“I just… I’m an idiot, Nisien,” I admitted at last.
The words hung between us as my heart beat restlessly, fragile and vulnerable in the open air. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes. The ink was still spreading across the destroyed letter—another thing I’d ruined. And for a moment, I thought I could imagine what being an empath felt like, sensing Nisien’s pity and worry washing over me.
Nisien tilted his head, pretending to weigh the statement like a jeweler judging a flawed gem. “You definitely are that.” Then his smile gentled, losing its teasing edge. “Well, she hasn’t fled from you yet. Gods know why… So what are you going to do now?”
Now… The word throbbed in my chest like a heartbeat running out of time. Now I saw the truth I’d been outrunning since I met her: no matter the Assembly’s schemes or my own damn curse, I couldn’t let her go.
If the Assembly tried to take her, I would tear them apart, limb by limb, destroy their fortress stone by stone. If the curse rose against her, I would cut it out of my own chest before hurting her.
But hadn’t I already done that?
Now was the end of pretending, the end of running and hiding—for good. But I didn’t give my brother that truth. Not yet. She deserved it first.
“Now,” I said, pushing away from the ruined letter, “there are matters to settle here. Decisions to make if you’re leaving.”
“The biggest decision is already made.” Nisien rose, clapping a hand to my shoulder as he passed, a sly smile on his face. “I’ve informed the head guard. Security changes are already in place.”
Snake.
The thought must’ve shown on my face because his mischievous grin grew impossibly wider. “Your nobles have accepted your choice, Emrys. Just don’t take too long to make it. She might change her mind about joining Owain in Larethia.”
My fist slammed onto the desk, and the wood splintered with a sharp snapping sound. The snarl I’d banked earlier turned into a full growl, ripping out of my chest with all the combined force of my and the monster’s jealousy. “…Sorry.”
Nisien laughed his way out of the room.
When he was gone, I sat in the silence he’d left behind. The hearth was cold, but inside me, the curse burned with agitation, its energy seeking an outlet or relief. Against all odds, I realized that Nisien was right. My control wasn’t perfect—I was staring at a broken desk—but I was getting better at containing my ruin.
My thoughts strayed to a door. I’d broken so many of them. But the one I was thinking of hadn’t been opened in years—just like my heart. This one terrified me, because it led not to solitude, but to the only choice I’d ever truly wanted.
And cursed gods help me, I already knew I would open it.
I stood. The letter lay abandoned, ink bleeding over the desk I’d just broken. It could wait. But the promise I needed to make couldn’t.
Chapter 64
Isca
The relief of having my parents near was as fragile as a candle flame in a draft. Because beneath it flickered that ever-present, ever-gnawing sense of lack, of needing him.
