“I’m not perfect, Emrys. I… I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of.”
He huffed out something that might’ve been a derisive snort had his entire being not been mired in a deep, pervasive depression.
“You’re a man who’s trying every minute of every day. Feel my heart.”
He searched my face now, reallylooked. He already knew I didn’t fear him anymore. I hoped he could see everything else I felt about him there too.
Emrys suffered a life of quiet torment, locking himself in his room for his people. And yet, he still thought of himself as a curse on others. I wanted him to know how wrong he was.
“My heart is racing,” I whispered, “because you make me feel this way. I know I shouldn’t…because you’re you, and I’m me, and the world wouldn’t think we should be together. But I feel inexplicably drawn to you, Emrys. I couldn’t stay away, even when I tried.”
Emrys exhaled, the sound trembling along with his frame. “Isca… I’m broken.”
“And cursed,” I said gently, “and dangerous. And grumpy half the time.”
A breath of a smile almost lifted his mouth again.
“Iknow,” I said. “I like all of it.”
Hiseyes met mine, and his self-contempt was reflected in them. But what I’d said was true. I’d been watching him over the past months. Every day I had a chance to be near him, he proved in small, silent ways how good he truly was all the way to his core.
“With everything I’ve done in your presence?“ His tone dripped with disbelief. “I’ve slaughtered two men and nearly killed a third. Those actions are but adropin the bucket of blood I have on my hands.”
I remembered the market, the mercenary’s body on my stall. I remembered the scout, sliced open from mouth to crown. Owain’s purpling face.
“I was terrified that first day,” I admitted. “But then those men attacked us as we returned home that afternoon. I thought I would have to watch my mother die.”
I looked into his eyes. He was held together by the thinnest thread, ready to break apart at any moment—and I was the one holding a pair of scissors.
“But thenyoushowed up. Didn’t you?”
He seemed reluctant to answer. “…Yes.”
“I’m glad you did. And I’m glad to be here with you now. My heart beats like this because it sees the man beneath the curse. You’re everything a good, no, agreatman should be. You make me feel truly safe—for the first time in my life.” I pressed his hand tighter to my chest. “That’s why I want you in all the ways a woman can.”
Without warning, he surged forward, his mouth capturing mine with the kind of desperation that only came from someone who’d lived too long without any relief from their suffering.
His kiss was fire and grief and longing. I felt it in every part of me that had been waiting—aching—for him to come alive again. And for the first time, I wasn’t afraid to feeleverything.
His arms wrapped around me like I was fragile and vital. I kissed him back like I was breathing him in.
For a long while, we remained together like that, mending a little more with each exhalation. A hard bulge had grown, shifting my attention tothe place where our bodies met. Lips still locked, I rocked back and forth on it, thinking only of the pleasure it had brought me just that morning.
Emrys groaned.
My ears registered the popping sensation of a ward of silence. Suddenly, he was holding me firmly in place. I couldn’t have moved an inch even if I’d tried. He gave me a little squeeze that begged me to rise out of the haze of sensation I’d fallen into so we could speak.
“What do you want, Isca?” The wild blue light was back, pacing its cage, hoping for release.
I was so focused on the warmth of his bare skin, the way his thumbs moved in a slow caress where he held me, that it took me too long to answer. “I…”
“I amnotunfamiliar with pain, Isca.” His voice, already low, descended further into a commanding rumble. “But waiting to hear what you want is a fresh type of torture. Command me.Now.”
I couldn’t name exactly what I wanted, but I was fairly certain he could fill in the gaps if I led him in the right direction.
“I want you to kiss me again. I want… I want to make you feel the same way I did this morning.”
His eyes went wide, his thumbs stopped caressing, and his throat bobbed up and down in a tense swallow.
