I have no idea what to say. The words have always come so easily when I’m writing to him, but now, with this—withallthat he just wrote—I’m left wordless.
Figure out how to not let him push you away,Ari said. But he’s pushingeveryoneaway, even if I completely understand being scared to upset the precarious balances of your life. I’ve always been that way too—keeping people at arm’s length, letting my parents keep behaving the way they always have. It’s daunting to upset your status quo.
I know I have to find a way to get through to him. But it can’t be over text. I can’t just spring this entire scenario on him when he’s not ready for it.
I need to sleep on it.
I’m going to stick with my original plan for tonight: I’m going to find a pub where I can get good and drunk. And I’m going to read a book where I already know the ending so at least one thing can feel contained and simple.
But first, I’m going to text Elisomethingback. Because I know there’s one thing I can still say to reassure him, even if he has no idea it’s all about to get upended either way.
Nora: We’re still friends. I hope we’ll always be friends.
Chapter 30
When my alarm goes off the next morning at ten, the world feels fuzzy.
Fuzzy because of jet lag. Fuzzy because of the three beers I had last night. Fuzzy because I can’t stop spiraling over what Eli said, even in my sleepy first thoughts.
My favorite friend.
The one person I don’t wreck things with.
The woman I’m in love with.
Is it possible for your heart to ache along with your head? Because that’s how I’m feeling this morning. There’s no amount of coffee in the world that’s going to solve that.
I also look at my phone and see texts from a group chat inexplicably titled “The Noranators.” I open it up to see Kwan, Tom, and Dane mostly debating the name and seeing it constantly changing within the chat.
Tom Rich named the conversation “Team Nora”
Dane: Tom, that’s extremely boring
Tom: The goal of the chat is not to have an exciting name. The goal is to check in on our gal and see how she’s faring.
Dane Jane named the conversation “Team Get Nora Laid Again”
Tom Rich named the conversation “Nora’s A-Team”
Dane Jane named the conversation “Dream Team for Nora’s Extremes”
Kwan: I feel a little left out that no one has taught me how to change the name of a group. I’m still picking up emoticons.
Dane: It’s emojis
Kwan: No one told me that either.
Tom: This isn’t the point of this conversation.
Tom: Dear Nora, please keep us updated on how it’s all going. How was the party? Have you reached out to Eli? Do you need any moral support from us? The name is a work in progress, but the sentiment is still there. Love, Tom, Kwan and Dane.
Kwan: Even I know you don’t need to write an introduction and a sign-off in a text message.
Tom: I just wanted to differentiate the portion that is merely us squabbling vs the part where we are actually addressing Nora. She’s probably already asleep, so when she wakes up I don’t want her to have to sift through this. She can just look for her name.
Dane: The logic is not logic-ing.
Kwan: Also don’t know what that means.
