“Oh my god, youslept with Eli, last night,” she says, her mouth now curving into a grin, like a kid who’s just discovered a secret candy store.
“That’s not what—”
“You don’t look like shit—you look like you had sex! You’re wearing the same clothes. Your lips look like you had filler, which maybe is a good look for you, who’s to say. Your hair is the definition of ‘bed head.’”
“I could’ve just woken up,” I point out.
“Okay, none of that actually matters, because you have a hickey on your neck,” she chuckles, and my hand flies up, as though covering it will make it go away.
“Wrong side,” she says, indicating I should move my hand, and I dutifully move it from left to right, because that’s clearly going to do something.
“Okay, yes, I slept with Eli,” I sigh, putting my head in my hands.
“I knew the lady was protesting too much,” she laughs. “You literally had a conversation with us about knowing what you wanted and how nothing was happening with Eli, and then you went straight home and jumped him?”
“That isnotwhat happened,” I say sternly, sitting up and trying to ignore her amusement.
“Obviously that’s not what happened, because you would never do that.” I don’t know why, but the assessment stings a little. “So whatdidhappen?”
“First of all,youtalked to him about the roof! Without telling me!”
She holds up her hands. “Guilty as charged. So what? He asked me not to tell you because he didn’t want you to feel like he was doing it to get into your good graces, which I thought was kind of a rad way to deal with it. The dude has integrity.”
I snort, and she raises an eyebrow.
“Unless for some reason he did something that would make us believe he hasnointegrity and we have to murder him?”
I shake my head.
“Good,” she says, that momentary defensive hackle lowered. “So okay, he did a nice thing. That’s not a reason to jump him.”
“I didn’tjump him,” I sigh.
“All right. You very calmly realized you like him. As was obvious to anyone else with eyeballs. So what happened, other than his chivalry about the roof?”
I roll my eyes at her description, and she just smirks, enjoying needling me.
But I have bigger fish to fry today than trying to get Dane to take me seriously. I explain the note to her. The button. The tension. And then, yeah, the kissing and everything else.
“Was it good?” she asks, and I love that onthisshe’s sincere. Dane could rib me a thousand different ways, but when it comes to my happiness (and sex), she’s not going to accept anything less for me.
I can feel my cheeks burn, and Dane nods, getting the answer she needed. I can’t even begin to contemplatehowgood it was, because that’ll start another whole spiral.
“So excuse my ignorance, but what’s the leap from the obvious liking of Eli to deciding that because you like both Eli and J, that they must be the same person.”
“Well, that’s the crazy thing,” I say quickly. “See, to me, they’re two different people. They’re not alike at all. I wouldneverhave assumed that just because I was attracted to Eli, that he was somehow the same as J.”
“That’s selling Eli a little short,” Dane says with a frown.
“No.” I shake my head. “They’re justdifferent. I do like Eli. I do. But with J, we’re on the same wavelength, always. It’s effortlessly open.” I pause, thinking about last night. Thinking about that heat, that ethereal feeling of total synchronicity, and it stops me in my verbal tracks. But I shake it off, reminding myself that that’s not the same as actual verbal emotional openness. “Eli is like an onion that he forces everyone to peel bare-handed. He doesn’t let people in; he isn’t free with his feelings.”
“Maybe he is,” she says, but I shake my head again, determined to make her understand, because I need this to make sense.
“We talk all the time. We walk George, and we hang out. He’s shared some personal things, but they feel few and far between. He’s not introspective or sensitive the way J is.”
“Well, heis, since he apparentlyisJ,” Dane notes. “But maybe in person he doesn’t feel he can be the same way. You’ve seen particular sides to him, Nora; that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have others.”
I put my head in my hands again and let out another heavy sigh, unable to keep up this mental jujitsu. There’s no point arguing with her when of course she’s right.
