“I know,” she says, sounding completely broken. “And I know you wish you could see things the way that I do, or in the very least, understand me the way I need you to, but you can’t, and I can’t call you home knowing that you don’t believe me.”
“This isn’t the end, Harper.”
“It has to be.”
“No, it’s not,” I tell her. “I’m more than happy for you to push me away and tell me that I’m not what you need, but you and I both know that’s bullshit. I’m not going anywhere. I fucking love you, doll. When you’re burning, I’m burning too, and right now, your whole fucking world is up in flames, and you’re not letting me step into them with you. That’s not how we work, doll. That’s not how I love you.”
“Because the type of help you want to give me isn’t the kind of help I need,” she says. “I get where you’re coming from, and I more than understand why you’ve jumped directly to those conclusions, but I need you to trust me on this. This stalker is real, and he poses a very real threat to my life. And I get it, I looked crazy digging through my underwear drawer for a rose that wasn’t there, but I’m telling you, it was. This man showed up in the parking garage, boasted about stealing my notes from the hospital, re-created my hallucinations, told me nobody would believe me, and you’ve proven him right. He’s been tormenting me ever since, and there’s nothing I can do about it until you decide to get onboard. I need you to have faith in me. I need you to trust me.”
I let out a heavy sigh, pulling her into me again, my hand roaming up and down her back as the subtle sound of Izzy banging against her front door rumbles through the house. “I’m sorry, Harper,” I murmur, my lips pressing against her temple. “You have no fucking idea how much I wish I could give youwhat you want, but I’m not about to sit here and lie to you. You’re sick, doll, and there’s no shame in visiting Dr. Carzy and letting her know what’s going on. She can change up your meds. We’ll find something that works for you, but I can’t sleep at night knowing that you might hurt yourself, and it’s not fair for you to do that to Izzy. She thinks she can handle it, but what happens when you try to hurt yourself again? What happens to her if she can’t get to you in time? The guilt that she would have to live with for the rest of her life . . . fuck, doll. It’ll kill her.”
Harper pulls back again, shrugging off my touch. “Fuck,” she whispers. A small smile pulls across her lips, but it doesn’t match the agony in her eyes. “I really thought you were going to be the one.”
I shake my head, my fingers brushing down the length of her arm. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean.”
She glances away, those big, green eyes filling with tears again. “You need to leave, Knight.”
“Doll.”
“She’s right,” Izzy says from the doorway, heaving for air and looking as though she just crawled through hell and back to get here. “You need to go.”
My gaze settles back on Harper, and not wanting to upset her any more than I already have, I nod and lift her off my lap, settling her back on the bed where she was before I interrupted her evening. “I’ll go, but you know to call me. If you’re in trouble or you just need someone to talk to, you know I’m always here.”
Harper nods, a heavy sadness in her eyes. “I know,” she says, and with that, I make my way out of Izzy’s home, leaving every piece of my heart behind.
16
HARPER-RAYN
“Damn it, Siri!” I cry as I rifle through the bag of clothes I brought to Izzy’s place, trying to find something appropriate to wear to this stupid dinner at Mom’s place, but apart from a bunch of dirty scrubs and old underwear, I’ve got nothing.
I still don’t know how I ended up agreeing to this, but what I do know is that Siri and I are going to have some words. I swear, Siri is smarter than we’ve been led to believe. She knows me on a profound level, and she uses that knowledge simply to fuck with me.
“Still haven’t figured out something to wear?” Izzy asks, walking into her bedroom, her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth.
“No,” I groan, throwing scrubs across the room. “I’ve got nothing.”
“Then wear something of mine.”
“No, all your stuff is cute and perfect, and it makes me look like I’m actually trying to get her approval. I’m done putting an effort in for her. I need to look like a homeless person.”
Izzy’s gaze sails over my body, starting from the top of my head and trailing all the way to my toes. “Well, the good news is that you’re halfway there.”
I flip her off and let out a loud huff. “I think I’m going to have to sneak into Knight’s place and find something, and then at some point, I’m going to have to get the rest of my stuff out of there.”
“Oooh, are you sure you can handle that?”
I shrug as my chest constricts. “Probably not,” I tell her truthfully. “But it’s only five thirty. There’s a good chance he’s still working. Then I could just sneak in and out without him the wiser.”
“Ha. Good luck with that,” she says. “But you’re not seriously thinking about moving your stuff out, are you? You two are perfect together. Not to mention, there’s no way he’s actually going to let you move out without a fight.”
“I know, I just . . . I don’t want to move out, but I think it’s for the best,” I tell her. “I know he only wants what’s best for me, but how am I supposed to trust him after this? He’s the one person who’s supposed to love me unconditionally.”
“I think that’s what he’s trying to do,” Izzy says, giving me a small smile. “He loves you so much that he’s not willing to budge on this. He truly believes this is just like before, so he’s not about to cater to what you want. He’s trying to give you what he thinks you need. Love isn’t lying to someone just to make them feel seen, it’s being the backbone they need in their hardest time. Supporting them when they don’t know they need it, even if it means breaking their heart.”
I watch my best friend through a narrowed gaze, carefully dissecting her words. “You think I’m lying to myself?” I ask her, caution thick in my tone. “You don’t think it’s real?”
“To be honest,” she says, “I don’t know what I think. All I know is that whether it’s real or not, you almost bled out and died. Something is haunting you, and from where I stand, it looks as though it’s going to get you whether you’re ready or not, and I won’t risk losing you.”
