Behind her, Martin waited in his car, engine idling. A gentleman to the core.
When she reached the front door and turned to wave at him, to assure him she was safe—as if she wouldn’t be inside a ten-foot-tall razor-wire-topped brick wall with a security guard posted out front—he gave her a huge smile. Waved back. And then slowly let his Mercedes crawl away from the curb.
Such a good man, she thought as she dejectedly opened the door. He deserves better than me. Better than someone who’s in love with someone else.
The familiar smells inside the big, brick building wafted over her. Motor oil, burned coffee, and that faint tang of scorched steel that always tickled the back of her throat.
Usually, the scents settled her. Lent her a sense of security she hadn’t felt since…
Actually, she’d never felt it.
Her childhood home had been a den of neglect and poverty, and the apartment she’d rented in Charleston once she’d moved out of her parents’ house had been susceptible to tidal flooding and palmetto bug infestations.
It wasn’t until she’d taken up residence inside the big-shouldered building that was Black Knights Inc. that she’d enjoyed true, unassailable safety.
Today, however, the three-story factory seemed to mock her. Seemed to whisper in her ear, Home is where your heart is. But where’s Hew’s heart?
She didn’t know. Couldn’t begin to guess because the mixed signals were mixed signaling, and she was too tired, cranky, and confused to sort through them.
The way Hew had touched her, so reverent and worshipful—like she was fragile and holy—had convinced her what they’d done together was more than obligation on his part. More than just him helping her over that final hurdle in her healing.
No man fakes that kind of care, she’d told herself as she lay naked in his arms.
Now? She wasn’t so sure.
He’d been so unbothered by the thought of her meeting Martin. So uncaring that they wouldn’t get to go upstairs and finish what they’d started. But more than that, he’d seemed…relieved?
That had been relief she’d seen in his eyes, right?
His body wanted her. There was no denying that. But physical attraction didn’t equal romantic intention. It certainly didn’t equal love. And she wasn’t fool enough to believe it wasn’t possible she’d projected all of her own feelings—her own wants and desires—onto him.
Was it reasonable to believe that what she’d thought was reverence and worship was just her good friend Hew giving her his all? Giving it his all? Because the man didn’t know how to do anything by half-measures?
Unfortunately, the answer to that question was yes.
So, where does that leave us now?
Then she remembered his promise.
Friends.
He’d vowed that, no matter what, they’d remain friends.
Unfortunately, now that she knew how much more was possible between them, now that she knew the joy of sharing her body with him on top of already sharing her heart and soul, the thought of going back to just friends felt unsatisfying. Depressing even.
With a dejected sigh, she shut the door behind her. Then, she straightened her shoulders and willed herself to get it together.
Any disappointment she felt was of her own making. Any awkwardness or confusion or heartbreak was hers and hers alone. She had been the one to offer up the arrangement. She had been the one to make the deal.
Grin and bear it.
That’s what she’d do. She’d put on the proverbial happy face. Suck it up and bury it deep, and then pave over it with two feet of asphalt.
The smile she forced was so fake it made her cheeks ache. But it faded quickly when she realized the shop was empty. No clanking tools. No revving engines. No humming machines.
She’d spent more time than she’d meant to with Martin at the pub down the street. But it had been good to sit on the barstool and forget the horrors of the past two days. Forget the hurricane of emotions making her heart swirl and her head twist. Forget that in the space of one afternoon, everything and nothing had changed.
There at the pub, surrounded by regular people enjoying regular lives, she’d been able to pretend she belonged to a world untouched by violence and fear.
