She barreled on, refusing to let him interrupt. “Pancreatic cancer is almost always fatal. From everything I’ve read, most people don’t realize they have it until it’s in its advanced stages. It wouldn’t have mattered if your dad had gone to the doctor when he first started feeling sick. His fate was already sealed.”
“But—”
“And as for your brother,” she continued despite his attempt at protest. “Maybe he got into a life of crime out of desperation to keep food on the table and keep you out of foster care. But he continued doing it because he liked it. Because something about it feeds his need for speed, so to speak. And that has absolutelynothingto do with you.”
He breathed quickly, his eyes wide on her face as if it were the first time anyone had ever told him these truths. As if it were the first time he’d evencontemplatedthem.
As a talented interrogator—even if I do say so myself—she knew when to press her advantage.
“We cannot protect ourselves from pain, Britt. We cannot protect ourselves from loss. To live is to suffer and lose. But thelovewe experience, thepeoplewho come into our paths and make our journeys sweeter,thatis what life is all about. It’s thereasonfor living.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat.
Her voice was softer, gentler, as she continued. “You think you’re not brave. But do you know what kind of courage it takes to say all the things you just said? To admit your fears out loud? Most people don’t even have the guts to face them, let alone speak them.”
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, his fingers still absently stroking Chewy’s dome. “It’s not the same. Words are easy. Actions...that’s where I fall short.”
“Not true.” She leaned forward, her elbows resting on the tabletop. “You’ve shown me love in a hundred ways without even realizing it. The little things you’ve done, the way you’ve been there when I needed you, when myfamilyneeded you…those aren’t the actions of someone who falls short.”
He shook his head, his jaw tightening. “That’s not enough. You deserve someone who can give you everything. Someone who doesn’t hold back.”
She bit her lip, considering her next move. She couldn’t let him keep retreating into his doubts, but she also couldn’t push too hard. He was like a puzzle—complex, intricate, and worth every second it took to figure him out.
“I don’t needeverything, you big idiot,” she said quietly. “I just need you. Flaws, fears, and all. You think I’ve got it all figured out? I haven’t. I’m scared too. Scared of taking a chance on something real, something that could hurt if it goes wrong. But I’m more scared of not taking that chance. Of letting you walk away because you think you’re not enough when you’re everything I want.”
His eyes met hers then, and she saw the conflict there—the hope battling with the doubt, the love warring with the fear. He looked like a man standing on the edge of a cliff, unsure whether to leap or retreat.
It was time for the finishing blow. “I love you, Britton Daniel Rollins. I think I’ve loved you since the moment I walked into Eliza’s ER suite and you sneered at me and Dillan and said, ‘Oh, joy. The fuck-up fairies are here.’”
He winced. “You heard that?”
“Hate to be the one to break it to you, but your voice carries.” She wrinkled her nose. “And I don’t think you were actually trying to keep your opinion to yourself.”
“Julia...” he began, his throat thick with emotion.
She cut him off by standing and walking over to his chair. Placing a hand on his shoulder, feeling the muscles automatically tense at her touch, she said, “Don’t. Don’t talk yourself out of this. Out of us. Because if you think I’m letting you walk away without a fight, you don’t know me as well as I thought.”
For a moment, the room was silent except for the crackle of the fire in the hearth and theclick-clackof Ren’s claws on the hardwood floor as he vamoosed himself into the living room, having determined Julia was ready to take his place as Britt’s comforter.
“Do you love me?” she asked again. “Just answer the question honestly.”
Slowly, tentatively, Britt reached for her hand. His grip was warm and steady despite the storm of uncertainty she knew raged inside him.
“I love you so much I can barely breathe. But I’m terrified,” he admitted, his voice hardly above a whisper.
“So am I.” She squeezed his warm, callused fingers as her heart grew three sizes. “But let’s be terrified together and see how it goes. What do you say?”
“Hew told me if I don’t heal all that’s hurt inside me, I’ll bleed out on those who didn’t cut me.” His tone was tinged with desperation. “I don’t want to bleed out on you.”
“The only person you’re bleeding out on at the moment is yourself. And as for healing the hurt inside? Let me help you. Let meshowyou how good life can be when you let love in. When you let it fill up and smooth over all those empty and wounded places inside you.”
For the first time that night, she saw a spark of something other than fear in his eyes.
It was hope.Tentativehope. But hope all the same.
36
Britt lay on his back, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. His skin was damp with sweat, his muscles pleasantly sore. Beside him, Julia was equally breathless as she turned onto her side, her flushed cheek resting against the pillow.
