“Fine.” He sighed heavily. “Iwasstalking you. But only to make sure you didn’t go and fall for some asshat the likes of Chaz of the double-shot espressos. How was your date, by the way?”
“Why do youcare who I date?” She avoided his question.
“Because Ilikeyou. I want what’s best for you.Chazdoesn’t fit that bill.”
“I don’t need another older brother looking out for me,” she told him with a sniff. Silently, she added,I just need you, you big dolt. Can’t you see you need me too?
“How was your date?” he asked again. The jealousy in his voice was undeniable. It almost made her smile.Almost.
“It was nice.” She drew the last word out just to see him squirm. She could be a sadist when she wanted to be. “Chaz is a decent guy despite his annoyingly perfect looks. Unfortunately, when he kissed me good night, there wasn’t even the hint of a spark.”
Britt’s face darkened. “He kissed you?”
“Stop changing the subject and answer my question.” She pointed a finger at his nose. “Do you love me?”
She watched his jaw tighten, the muscles working overtime. His lips pressed into such a thin line that it occurred to her he might choose not to answer her at all.
Maybe I was wrong.Maybe I should have taken a more circuitous route instead of getting right to the point.
But then Britt spoke, and his words left her breathless.
“I’ve spent so many nights wishing I was different. Wishing I wasn’t afraid of love. But I am. And that fear, as much as I hate it, will keep me from taking the steps I know you need a partner to take. You deserve more than hesitation and doubt, Julia. You deserve a love as boundless and fearless as your heart.”
He loves me, she thought, a kind of wild relief filling up all the empty spaces inside her. He hadn’tsaidit. Not outright. But his words revealed what was in his heart, nonetheless.
He loved her. And yet, fear held him back from accepting that love.
She drew in a shaky breath, forcing her emotions under control. Her biggest question had been answered. But his response left her standing at the edge of a new one.
Tread lightly, she silently coached herself, feeling like Britt was a wild mustang—all raw power and deep scars. If she weren’t careful, she’d spook him, and he’d bolt. If that happened, she might never get the chance to catch him again.
“You know,” she started slowly, “one of my mom’s favorite sayings is that if your dreams don’t scare you, they’re too small.”
A forlorn smile played at his lips. “Your mom is something else. I can see where you get it from.”
“Get what?”
“All that toughness and tenacity. The way she bosses around your father and brothers is something to see. And the way they jump to do whatever she tells them tellsmethat, despite the men in your family looking like they could each bench press a Buick, she’s the one with the real strength.”
It warmed her heart that he’d quickly homed in on the truth of her family dynamic. But she wasn’t surprised. Britt was highly perceptive.
He’salsohighly skilled at changing the subject.
“Why are you afraid of love?” She was careful to keep her tone calm and gently curious. “In the alley yesterday, you said you know what it’s like to love someone and lose them. You said you know what it’s like to be thereasonthey’re gone. What did you mean by that?”
He swallowed jerkily and smoothed Ren’s silky ears when the dog, having sensed Britt’s sadness, laid his big blockhead on Britt’s lap, slobbery stuffed rabbit and all.
Britt’s voice, when it came, was filled with pain. “My mother died in childbirth with me.”
Julia had to fight to hold back her gasp of surprise and horror. His file indicated he’d lost both parents at a young age. But it’d been light on the specifics.
“How awful,” she whispered.
“She had an amniotic fluid embolism,” he continued. “That’s when some of the amniotic fluid leaks out of the placenta during birth and enters the mother’s bloodstream. It causes all sorts of problems. But in my mother, it caused cardiac arrest.”
It took everything she had not to reach for his hand. Not to rise from her seat so she could fold him into a hug. But she couldn’t make a wrong move. She couldn’t do or say anything that might make him run.
So all she did was tell him sincerely, “I’m so sorry, Britt,” even though the words seemed too small to encompass the depths and breadths of her sympathy.
