“If these past few days have taught me anything”—her hand cupped his jaw at the same time her dark gaze locked with his—“it’s that we’re never assured a tomorrow. So I want to live in the now. Revel in the now. And if I have to spend the rest of my life missing you for the privilege of getting to have you, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
He couldn’t have scripted a better response if he’d tried. And yet…
“What about your abandonment issues? I don’t want to set ya back on the progress you’ve made in therapy.”
She hitched one pale, perfect shoulder. A shoulder he wanted to test with his teeth, taste with his tongue. “That’s the beauty of friends with benefits, right? It’s assumed there will come a time when the benefits cease, and we go back to just being friends. So there’dbeno abandonment.”
It sounded perfect to him. Too good to be true.
“And you’d be all right with that? Just bein’ my friend after we’ve…” He let the sentence dangle as he gestured between them.
“How could Inotbe all right with it when I know that’s what I’m agreein’ to beforehand?”
He needed one last bit of reassurance. “You’re positive?”
“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”
Even though the angels and devils warred inside him, fighting between desire and duty, he knew what the outcome would be.
He couldn’t deny her this. Because this…thiswas what he’d wanted since he first saw her crossing the compound grounds the day she’d arrived at BKI. This was what he’d spent four years dreaming about. This was his moment. The closest he’d ever come to experiencing a big BKI love.
With a silent nod, he unfroze his muscles so he could pull her into his embrace.
Hellfire and damnation!
She was soft. Her skin was like silk and her lips like satin when he ducked his head to take a hungry taste. She was warm too. All that sensuous feminine heat radiated out from her lithe limbs and soft curves as she went up on tiptoe to press her length against him.
He could feel the rasp of her hard nipples through his chest hair. Feel the way her muscles quivered in anticipation. Feel how wanton she was in the way she undulated slightly, rubbing the hard column of his cock against the smooth flesh of her belly.
He let the water and liquid heat of his desire wash away all thoughts of what tomorrow might bring. For now, Eliza Meadows was his. And he was going to pack a lifetime’s worth of love and passion into each second.
28
What are you doing? What are youdoing?the voice of reason demanded frantically when Fisher’s perfect lips melded with hers, when his arms held her tight and his hands spanned her hips.What happens when the loss of him is worse than never having him to begin with?
Something is better than nothing,she argued back.I might die tomorrow. If I do, I’d much rather go knowing what it is to truly be with him, to give him all of me, than to go being scared of the heartbreak the future holds.
And when it all ends? Which he’s assured you it will? What then? Don’t you know how complicated it will be having to continue to live and work with him?
That’s the domain of Future Eliza. All I care about is Current Eliza and finally knowing what it was to be loved by him.
She waited for the little voice to throw up another roadblock. But it was Fisher’s low baritone she heard.
“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful.” He pulled back from the kiss so his gaze could drift down her body. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
She wanted to cover her breasts. Her boobs weren’t large or perfectly round. And she’d always thought her nipples were too puffy. Like, the areola part wasn’t flat. It was sort of raised.
That’s not normal, is it?
“I’m glad you think so.” She hoped she sounded coquettish instead of self-conscious as she tried to drag him back. Her lips missed his already. And if he was kissing her, he couldn’t keeplookingat her.
“Ido thinkso.” His tone was reverent as he resisted her tugging and kept his distance. “You have the most perfect skin.” To prove his point, he slid a finger over her collarbone. Despite the heat of the shower, goose bumps rose to his touch. “The sweetest little waist.” He used both hands to grip her there, his thumbs touching over her belly button. “The most feminine curve to your hips.” He ran his hands over her hips and then around, until he could once again grip her ass, his long, callused fingers fitting firmly around the bottom curves.
“You forget I’ve seen some of the woman you’ve been with, Fish,” she whispered, her lack of body confidence warring with the lovely sensation of having his big, hard hands roaming over her flesh. “I know what I am and what I’m not.”
He stood to his full height to frown down at her. With the shower hitting him on the back and steam rising above his head, he looked like a god. Some ethereal supernatural sprung from the water and the waves, more beautiful than Aquaman and more impressive than Poseidon.
“Why do ya insist on makin’ it hard for me to compliment ya?”
