His own was a little scratchy. “Can’t let his trail get cold.”
She swallowed and nodded her understanding. “How long will you be gone?”
“As long as it takes.”
A long breath slid from her. She opened her mouth but he lifted a hand, hoping he could adios her plan to resume their previous conversation.
Time away would be good for her.Andfor him. It would clear their heads. Without their undeniable chemistry clouding their minds, she’d quickly come to see he wasn’t what she wanted. Not really.
“I know what you’re gonna say,” he told her. “And I wish you wouldn’t. I like you so much, Alex. I respect you so much.”
He didn’t tell her he loved her so much, but he wondered if the truth was in his eyes.
“I don’t wanna hurt you,” he continued. “I’ve hurt you enough already. So please,pleaselet’s leave things where they are. Let’s quit while we’re ahead.”
For a drawn-out moment, her eyes searched his. There was a point in there when he thought he’d won. Then, crossing her arms, she tilted her head and demanded, “Are you finished?”
The hand he ran through his hair was shaky. He hadn’t succeeded in heading her off at the pass, and he braced himself for what would come next. His nod was slow, a mere dip of his chin.
“Good.” She dipped her chin too. “Now, I think your excuses are bullshit.”
He opened his mouth, but in true Alex style, she plowed right ahead. “You’ve convinced yourself there’s something wrong with you that precludes you having a ‘normal life.’” She made air quotes. “But what the hell is normal, anyway? You claim 2 percent of the population are natural-born killers? Yeah, well, 2 percent of the population has green eyes, did you know that? Also, 2 percent of the population are redheads. My point being no one thinks a thing about that because 2 percent is still a shit-ton of people, meaning it’s not actually that rare and is, in fact, quite normal for the human race.”
Again he tried to argue. Again she talked over him. “You claim the navy changed you. Well,of courseit did. No one can see the things you’ve seen or do the things you’ve done without being changed. The change means you’re human. It means you’re normal. And if you really want to know what I think?”
Like she hadn’t been telling him what she really thought for the last two minutes?
“I think your ex-wife gaslighted you. I think she couldn’t take the blame for her infidelity and, instead, placed it on you by telling youyouwere the one at fault. Which is just awful and sad, and I’m so sorry she did that. But I’m even more sorry you seem to havebelievedher.”
He had nothing to say to that. Mostly because his mind was spinning around, trying to find a flaw in her logic.
“The simple truth is I didn’t know you before,” she continued. “I know younow. And I love you now. Just as you are. A man who’d rather grunt and growl than have a conversation.”
He found a place to jump in. “I talk more to you than I do to anyone.”
She ignored him. “A man who likes to sit in a quiet spot and paint pictures of the sea and sky. A man who hates crowds but loves dogs. A man who understands how dangerous the world can be and is always ready to guard himself and everyone else around him against it. Somehow you’ve convinced yourself this last thing is a bad thing. But I don’t see it. What I see isyou, Mason.Allof you. The good parts, the bad parts, and the parts you think aren’t worthy. And I’m here to tell you I love it all.”
Her words landed like hand grenades on his heart, hard and hot and painful.
There’s a flaw in her logic. Find it, a voice whispered through his head. Only this time, he thought he might recognize it as his ex-wife’s.
Was it possible Alex was right?
No. No, she couldn’t be. He wasn’t—
Before he could finish the thought, Alex lifted her chin and added, “You go on and do your thing. Find Gellman. And while you’re out chasing the bad guy, I want you to think about what I’ve said. Then when you come back home, if you’re still convinced you don’t want to take a shot on seeing where this thing between us will go, fine. We’ll find a way to be friends. But if youdofeel like taking a shot, then I’ll be there. Waiting. Hoping. Get it? Got it? Good.”
With a decisive dip of her chin, she turned and strode down the hall, leaving him standing there like a spare prick.
For a couple of seconds, he didn’t move. Hecouldn’tmove. There was too much confusion in his head. Then, without conscious thought, his feet began inching forward of their own accord. They carried him down the hall to the elevators.
When he stepped out of the hospital three minutes later, he couldn’t feel the brush of the breeze through his hair or the warmth of the sun on his skin. He couldn’t feel the beat of his own heart inside his chest or the rush of air through his lungs.
He couldn’t feel anything because Alex’s words had stunned him, leaving him completely numb.
Chapter 29
Eight days later
